magser | Hazard

Title: Hazard
Chapter:11/12
Author: Magser
Pairing: Jared/Jensen.
Summary: A town called Hazard, and two men who never stood a chance, not there....

The next few hours were a complete blur to Jensen. He wasn’t a stranger to blood, hell he wasn’t a stranger to violence, he was a cop for gods’ sake, and he had seen a lot shit in his years before he had come to Hazard. He had seen a lot of blood, attended accidents where he had seen women and kids die; he had attended murder scenes where blood had painted the walls. He had held his Mother in his arms and watched her die with a smile on her face and he had come through all of that, but as he sat in that waiting room and waited, covered in Jared’s blood, he had never felt so broken and so sickened by the sight. He would be nothing without him, he knew that.

He felt light headed and dizzy, and he knew it was just his body coming down from the rush of adrenaline that had kept him functioning since he had escaped from Jeff. He knew he was close to collapse but he stubbornly fought it. He needed to know Jared was going to be ok, there was no other option for him, Jared had to be ok, everything he was, his whole damn existence depended on it.

Chris paced the waiting room, alternating between checking on Jensen and keeping in touch with Tom Welling back at the station. Police officers had already gone back to the house where Jensen had been held, using directions that Jensen had given, and had found the body of the sheriff Jim Beaver. Jeff Morgan wasn’t talking anymore, just grinned maniacally, when questioned, happy in the knowledge that he had done what he had set out to do; he had finished off Jared and his family for his brothers. Jensen refused to let his mind think about Jim now, not yet, he had to concentrate everything on Jared, focus on waiting for the doctor to come through that door and tell them that Jared was going to be ok.

Jared had stopped breathing as they had pulled up to the hospital, Jensen had frozen, clutching Jared to him and begging him to breathe again, it had been Chris who had run for help, Chris who had forcibly held Jensen back when the doctors had taken Jared and started working on getting his heart going again right there in the parking lot. Chris, who had held him tight his head buried in the nape of Jensen’s neck as Jensen had fallen to the ground on his knees and cried when Jared had finally been wheeled away, heart beating once more. It had been Chris who had led him here to the waiting room and produced coffee to keep him going. And it was Chris who was taking care of the official end of things while never leaving Jensen’s side. He knew he was in shock, he knew that the events of the two weeks and now having Jared’s life o the line, was enough to send him into major shock, but he couldn’t give in, not yet. He was only thankful that Chris was here to take the burden.

Another ten minutes passed, Chris pacing once, sending anxious glances in Jensen’s direction, where he sat in a chair, head hanging in his hands. He couldn’t have stood up if he tried and was tired of battling Chris about getting seen to. The door opening had him on his feet thought, faster than he would have though possible at this stage and a worn out looking Doctor in his mid fifties came forward. Holding his hand out, he first shook Chris’s hand then Jensen’s. Jensen’s eyes were wide with fear, he didn’t want to know the doctors damn name! He wanted to know if Jared was alright!

Telling them his name was Doctor Bill Gordon, he asked them to sit and proceeded to explain; Jared he said had undergone emergency surgery for the knife wound and to correct the damage done to his knee and set his arm. He explained that they had lost Jared again on the table, that it wasn’t any one thing that caused it, but just a number of factors, including the severe beating, the fact that he had already been in shock and then the knife wound which thankfully had not punctured any major organs, but the blood loss had been severe. He had suffered damage to his spleen and had several broken ribs , but as far as they were concerned the biggest problem would in fact be his knee. He was going to need intensive physiotherapy and would most likely walk with a limp for the rest of his life and with the use of a walking stick for the foreseeable future.

He went on to explain how long they expected Jared to be out of it, saying that they would keep him sedated for a day or two just to give his body a chance to recoup, but Jensen heard none of this; Jared was ok, his mind registered the fact that Jared was going to be ok and promptly shut down, and for the first time in his life, Jensen collapsed.

His body had taken enough and it demanded rest, so he was promptly admitted and confined to a bed for two days while Chris ran things at the station, fielding off federal investigators who had taken over Jeff’s case, who it turned out had several warrants out for his arrest, from several unsolved murders going years back, and the ties with his brothers, made him prime material for the F.B.I. . Neither Chris nor Jensen cared who took over the man as long as he was tried and convicted and put down for the torture he had put not only Jensen and Jared through but also the murders of Jared’s mom and now Jim. Eventually though the F.B.I. could be put off no longer, and so on the third day Jensen sat up in bed and for over three hours talked at length about his ordeal at the hands of Jeff, and the events leading up to Jared’s stabbing.

Finally they were done, promising to keep him up to speed about Jeff, and electing to leave Jared alone. After all what could he tell them? All Jared had were memories that he had buried of a time long ago, memories he would now have to sift through and accept. Jensen sighed heavily, he hadn’t seen Jared since they had taken him away that night, but he knew Jared was still sedated. It had been the only condition that he had insisted on if he was to stay in this bed; they were to keep him up to date on how Jared was doing and the second he was awake, Jensen was going to him.

Now though he decided he had enough, he was fine, he was rested, and he wanted out. So he dressed as Chris took care of the discharge papers and turned as Chris came back into the room;

“Jared’s awake Jensen, Doc says he is doing fine and is fairly lucid. Turns out he has been awake for hours, but asked the Doctor not to tell you until you were ready to leave. He didn’t want you rushing to his side until you were fully recovered.”

Jensen swore softly to himself, but couldn’t help the feeling of warmth that spread through him at the same time at the thoughts of Jared getting well. He grabbed the light shirt Chris had brought in and threw it on over the grey t shirt he wore and made for the door.

“Jensen.” Chris’s voice stopped him in his tracks; “I’m sorry man, but, we need Jared to know. He has to be told about his Mother and her body being exhumed....I’m sorry.”

Jensen dropped his head for a moment, damn, it was one thing after another. Raising his head he turned and looked at Chris who was regarding his friend with regret in his eyes.

“It’s just that, if he doesn’t give permission, the F.B.I. are going to go ahead and get a court order anyway and I don’t want to put Jared through that, it would be better if he gave the go ahead.”

“I know Chris, I will talk to him, I just wish.... I just wish he was given some time to just recover you know? It’s not your fault man...I will talk to him.” Giving Chris’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze he left, “You’re doing one hell of a job Chris, thank you.”

Chris blushed slightly and scratched his head; “Go on get out of here Jensen, go see that man of yours. I will come get you if anything else comes up.”

******************

Jensen stood outside the door to Jared’s room for a moment, just trying to collect himself. He hadn’t seen Jared since the night they had whisked him away, he had collapsed after they had gotten word he was ok and not allowed leave his bed until now. He just wanted to see him, hold him and forget the last two weeks had ever happened. But they had and he couldn’t and they both had to face that now. He just prayed he had the strength to get them both through it. Taking a deep breath and hoping he held it together long enough for Jared; he pushed the door open and stepped inside.

Jared was propped up on pillows, his face turned toward the window obviously lost in thought when he stepped into the room. He turned at the sound of movement and his sleepy eyes light up and smiling softly he held out his good hand;

“Hey”

Jensen blinked back fast tears at the sight of Jared, he felt a flood of emotions he couldn’t control when he look at him; relief, love, anger, fear and grief. Stamping back the feelings of grief he refused to acknowledge he moved and grasping Jared’s outstretched hand smiled as he leant down to kiss him softly, before running his hands through Jared’s hair and cradling his head to his chest and pressing a kiss to his tousled hair.

“Hey yourself.”

Finally releasing him he moved to sit on the side of the bed never releasing the hand he held onto. Studying Jared’s face, he once again felt a surge of rage; his face no longer looked swollen, but the purple and yellow bruises mottling his features from his eyes to his cheeks made him want to go find Michaels where he was incarcerated and beat him to death. Running his hand gently over his bruised face he sighed deep and Jared leaned into his touch.

“I’m ok, I’m ok now Jensen.”

His voice was so soft and so full of concern for him that Jensen once again felt a rush of tears and he had to fight to control himself as he watched Jared lay back on the pillows with a sigh and a wince that he tried and failed to conceal. He patted a space beside him on the bed and Jensen moved willingly to lie on his side, one hand under his head and the other he placed over Jared’s heart reassuring himself with its steady beat.

“You scared me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t ever scare me like that again Jared.”

“I won’t....I’m sorry.”

Jensen leaned forward and kissed Jared softly again, stopping to breathe in Jared before moving back and staring into soft hazel eyes.

“I let you down Jared, I told you nothing more was going to happen and you got hurt again, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Jensen don’t...no, listen to me,” Jared gripped Jensen’s hand tighter to stop the protest about to tumble from Jensen’s mouth. “None of this was your fault, none of it. If anyone was to apologise it would be me, he came after me, you just got caught up in the middle. You paid the price for being with me, around me, he could have killed you all because I love you.”

“Jared, Jesus you were just a kid! None of this is your fault! Christ the man is a raving lunatic and you are not to blame for a mad man’s thinking!”

Jared smiled and raised his hand and cupped Jensen’s cheek;

“Exactly.”

Jensen shook his head slightly and smiled back in wonder when he realised what Jared had just gotten him to say;

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

Jared blushed slightly before answering, “I had a damn good teacher, he taught me so much, he taught me about love and he showed me that not all people hate so much, he took my fear away and showed me how to trust people again, he is amazing and it hurts me now that he is hurting and can’t talk to me.”

Jensen’s eyes widened, “Jared? I’m fine! Baby, god don’t worry about me, Christ you only woke up a few hours ago, don’t worry about me, worry about getting yourself better.”

“Actually, I’ve been awake since yesterday, but I wouldn’t let the doctor or Chris tell you, you needed to rest, you still look like you need to rest Jensen.”

Jensen made a mental note to kick Chris’s ass later, and scowled at Jared,

“Hey I’m supposed to be the one comforting and worrying about you Jared, I’m fine, I just want to see you get well now that’s all. “

Jared sighed and linked his fingers between Jensen’s, Chris had been in and talked to him, he had told him what had happened and how Jensen had seemed to shut it out. He was worried about Jensen he had said to Jared, and Jared had promised to talk to him.

“I’m so sorry about Jim, I know how you loved him Jensen, Chris told me he didn’t make it, what Jeff did to him and I’m so sorry....”

Jensen sat up and tried to move from the bed but Jared held his hand tight and refused to let go;

“Jensen please, you have been so much to me over the last two years. You have been my strength through so much, and you made me strong, I am strong now, because of you. You let me lean on you when I needed to, please, please don’t hold it all inside now, I’m here, lean on me, let me be your strength, like you are mine?”

“I’m so kicking Chris’s ass later for this.... I....Jesus, Jared I can’t think about Jim now, I can’t, I don’t think I will ever get up again if I let myself think now. I need to concentrate on you, I need.... I need to not think for now.....”

“Then don’t think, just...come to me and don’t think, just....grieve....cry if you have to....scream...I don’t mind, just don’t shut it out Jensen.”

He gave a laugh at his last sentence, “I know all about shutting things out, it’s bad, and...just, I love you, so much Jensen and you’re hurting, I can see it and I can’t help, I can’t take it away like you could when I hurt and that kills me....”

While Jared had spoken he had been rubbing Jensen’s arm gently, and by the time Jared was done talking Jensen found himself laid back down, his head on Jared’s shoulder and wet hot tears fell from his eyes and onto the hospital gown Jared wore.

“He took everything Jared, he destroyed everything, he hurt you and locked me up, like a fucking animal and I couldn’t get out, I tried, I tried so hard and I couldn’t get out and get to you and he killed him, he fucking killed Jim, like he was nothing, without a second thought, he just took away a man I looked on as my dad, and he didn’t care. He doesn’t care....I should have killed him myself when I had the chance, I should have broken his neck while I could. You wouldn’t have been stabbed and you wouldn’t have died in my arms on the way here and Jim...” He choked on a sob he couldn’t hold back, “God Jim would be alive, so much pain now because I couldn’t do my damn job and fucking take him down while I had the chance....”

Jared had turned as best he could in the bed and he kissed Jensen’s head as he held onto him with the one good arm he had, all the while whispering random words into Jensen’s hair;

“I love you....I’m sorry......I love you so much....”

Over and over again, he whispered those words, until Jensen’s sobs quietened and he calmed down. Finally Jensen raised his head and red eyes focused on the tears on Jared’s own face, “When did you become so wise?”

“I knew I was wise the day I let you in, you make me wise, and I just want to be here for you, just like you are for me, we are a team, you and I, together yeah? We get through all this together? I am pretty sure I’m gonna need your shoulder before this is done.”

Jensen shook his head, once again amazed at the enormous strength Jared was showing and suddenly he was so glad for it as he remembered what he had to talk to him about. He sat up then and looked at Jared, grabbing his hand and squeezing.

”Jared, baby, we have to talk.”

Jared frowned and tilted his head in a way that made Jensen want to just grab him and hold him and make all this go away and not hurt him like he knew it would;

“Jared, when Jeff....that is when he....”He took a deep breath and started again, “Jared, baby, Jeff told me things, he admitted to some stuff, when I was locked up....he told me....I’m so sorry baby, he told me he murdered your mom. He said the pills he was giving her, they were laced with stuff, he had been poisoning her slowly for years, I’m so sorry....the F.B.I., they want to exhume her body, investigate it further, cause Jeff has shut down and isn’t talking anymore and while my word is a damn sight better than his, they need more, solid proof. Jared?”

Jensen watched Jared closely, Jared had turned his head away, and was now facing the window again, not moving, just staring out like it held all the answers to everything. Finally he turned back and Jensen’s heart broke at the look of complete despair in Jared’s eyes as he tried so hard to stay strong.

“I was thinking about her this morning, and I knew, I was going over everything in my head, all the memories I have now and everything that happened in the years that followed and how Jeff just wormed his way in and I knew....deep down I knew he had done something.... and ....”

He looked down and back up again, taking a deep breath, “Tell them I will sign whatever they need, Jeff needs to suffer for this, he needs to pay for what he has done, to us all...to my Mom....Jensen...” A tear fell as the crack appeared in Jared’s facade of strength, “She was all I had left ....he took everything, everyone that cared, he took them all...”

Jensen leaned forward and again cradled Jared’s head in his arms, “Not everyone Jared, I’m here and I’m going nowhere, and Chris is amazing and I know he already admires you so much. You’re not alone anymore Jared.”

Behind the glass in the door, Chris watched in silence. He watched as two men who had been through hell and come out the other side, held and comforted each other. As long as they had each other, Chris was certain that they would overcome the many obstacles and hurt that was surely coming their way. He would always regret not giving Jared a chance. He had let the towns talk and prejudice guide him. He had let jealousy blind him to the man Jared was, and that was unforgivable in his book. He was sorry as hell that it had taken this experience for him to see the man behind the mask Jared had presented, the man Jensen could see, the man Jensen was in love with.

Jared had a hell of a road to recovery to take, and Michaels’ presence behind bars was little consolation for the suffering and pain Jared had and would still endure because of his prejudice, and Jensen had just come through a horrible ordeal. But he had Jared’s silent strength now to lean on and he wouldn’t be alone. Chris would make sure that these two men would be shielded as best he could from anything that might get in the way of the road they had to take to stay together. But he was sure of one thing, they would stay together.

They had each other and as he moved away from the door and gave the men the privacy they needed, he knew that’s all they would need.

chapter 12