magser | Revenge

Title: Revenge
Chapter:11 /?
Characters/pairings: Jared/Jensen ; Jensen/Mike; Jared/Omc's; Chad, Chris ; others
Rating: NC.17 (to be safe)
Wordcount:2,083
Disclaimer: Nope still don't own them.... unfortunately...
Summary: Nine years ago Jared had left Dallas and now he was back and he had only one thing on his mind..... Revenge.
Authors note: I usually have someone to read this over to make sure I havent made some ridiculous mistakes or to make sure it doesnt sound utterly stupid, but today I didnt so if it is crap, then we will all know I am in fact a terrible writer....

The crowd was thinning out, only a few people left in the bar now as Chris tidied away equipment helped by a few friends and Jared and Jensen sat at the bar, silence settling awkwardly between them. Finally Jensen could not take it anymore;

‘’you wanna go for a walk? I mean, I owe you a coffee and all, and there is a neat little all night cafe not far from here?’’

Jared looked up from the beer mat he had been shredding and nodded gratefully;

‘’I would love that, thank you! Lets get out of here...’’

After a quick word with Chris they headed for the door, but a shout of ‘’Jared!’’ from Chris had both men stopping at the door, eyebrows raised and Jared tensing a little as he watched Chris approach them;

‘’look I just, I just wanted to apologise’’

Jared’s eyebrows disappeared into his bangs as he quickly glanced at Jensen who shrugged and looked back at Chris;

‘’For what?’’

‘’For uh.... for that night, when you and the idiot here had that blow out, I shouldn’t have interfered man, and I shouldn’t have tried to hit you... If I had known then what I know now, its Jen here who would have gotten the smack...I just...well I’m sorry man’’

Jared was stunned. He wasn’t used to this, he had never stuck around long enough to form bonds before, not since leaving here and to hear someone say they were sorry and looking at him the way Chris was, hoping to be forgiven, well he just.... it was....strange. He shrugged;

‘’Don’t worry about it man, you weren’t to know, we all did a lot of things we are not proud of that night’’

‘’So we’re cool?’’

Jared nodded, giving his first smile of the night, actually truth be known in well over a week, although it was just a shadow of his normal smile,

‘’We’re cool’’

Chris’ face erupted into a massive shit eating grin again and he stepped forward and grasped Jared in a fast hug before punching him lightly on the arm;

‘’Awesome! Now get the fuck out of here and go make up and make love or whatever it is you guys are gonna do!’’

Jensen snorted and slapped Chris over the back of the head with his hand;

‘’Fucking freak Kane, I’ve always said it, you my friend are a fucking freak’’

‘’Yeah I’m the freak that carried your moping ass tonight and I’m also the freak cleaning up the equipment!’’

Jensen laughed and blew Chris a kiss as both men left the bar; leaving Chris smiling at their retreating backs, glad to have diffused the obvious tension between the men.

They walked in easy silence the few blocks that Jensen directed to the small all night cafe and soon Jared was seated in a corner out of the way as Jensen arrived with two steaming mugs of coffee.

‘’I don’t know who wise this is, having coffee this hour of the night, but a deals a deal huh?’’

Jared smiled softly and nodded, he really didn’t know what to say now that he was here, all pretence was gone, he had nothing to hide behind anymore and he was more scared than he had ever been in his whole life. He just felt like he was laid open and bare and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling, the touch of Jensens hand on his wrist startled him out of his thoughts and he jerked back a little;

‘’Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you Jared, you were miles away, you ok?’’

‘’Yeah, yeah I’m ok’’

‘’Look, I just wanted to say thank you, for coming I mean, I meant what I said you know’’ he leaned forward slightly, careful not to touch Jared again, ‘’I love you Jared, and I really really want to work this out, I want us to work, there is nothing I want more, please believe me.’’

Jared looked at Jensen and he believed him, but god... how did he make him understand? ‘’Jensen I believe you, I do, you think you love me but....’’

‘’No, I don’t think it Jared, I know it’’

‘’But don’t you see? You can’t love me.... you don’t know me, what you saw, what I let you see, that was all an act Jensen, it wasn’t me!’’

‘’Were you pretending when we made love? Were you pretending when you kissed me like you would die if you couldn’t? Were you pretending all those times you sat at my place laughing and messin with Chris? Was it all an act when I could see how close you are to Chad, how much you mean to him, and him to you? Were all those little touches pretend? Jared, I know you only showed me what you wanted me to see, and I know you think that wasn’t you, but it was, and I love that side of you, I love the man that kissed me that way, touched me that way, laughed with Chris that way and I love the man that Chad looks up to and out for, and I want to get to know the rest of you, if you will let me.’’

Jared cursed the eyes that seemed to be ever close to tears these days and looked away, blinking rapidly to hold back the tears that once again threatened to fall, Jensen waited as he watched the other man try to pull himself together long enough to reply and ached with the need to just pull him into his arms and try and help him forget his hurt for a while, hurt he caused, Jared looked back, more in control now;

‘’Jensen...I....I......’’ he ground to a halt and cursed as he felt his heartbeat quicken and his breathing speed up and he knew if he tried to talk now he wouldn’t get one word out straight, instead he looked down and concentrated on controlling the panic that was welling, a panic he hadn’t felt in years, and suddenly, there was a hand on his and Jensen squeezed it lightly;

‘’It’s ok, I’m sorry..... I’m pushing you too hard too fast, I’m sorry’’

Jared stared at the hand holding his for a moment and looked up and whispered;

‘’I’m afraid’’

Jensen swallowed past the lump in his throat knowing this was as honest as Jared had been with him and he looked so raw he didn’t know how to answer him so he just nodded and Jared smiled through teary eyes,

‘’You...you once said you couldn’t love me and I....I’m afraid....what if... what if I let you in? What if I let go and let you in and you decide thats true? What will I do then? Jensen I couldn’t take it..... what would I do?’’

Jensen had never hated himself more than he did at that point, Jared was afraid to let him or anyone else get close to him because of a stupid sentence he had said in haste... and Jared had suffered because of it all this time...

‘’Jared, oh god Jared.... I don’t expect you to let me in, I don’t deserve that, not yet, I’m just asking for a chance to show you I’m serious, to show you I do love you... I will prove it to you I swear..... I’m so fucking sorry that something I said in such a stupid thoughtless fashion has hurt you so badly for so long....’’

Dont.... please Jensen, don’t tell me you love me because you feel sorry for me, or because you think you have to.... thats worse than anything.’’

‘’God no! Jared, listen to me, I loved you before I knew who you really were, I loved that part of you that you showed me, and I want to show you that I love the other side of you too.... this side, the man I hurt so badly and if you give me a chance I can help you pick up those pieces and you and me will be ok, just give me that chance?’’

Jared didn’t think he had ever been so terrified in his life. He had faced some tricky situations on his travels and some that made him want to turn and run back home, but this... this scared him more than anything in his whole life. Jensen was here, right here in front of him and he wanted Jared, he wanted Jared to give him a chance, him.... all of his defences were gone now, he had nothing left to hide behind, no more lies and no more games. He wasn’t sure he could do this, he had gone through so many emotions in the last week and a half, realising finally and maybe a little too late that revenge had come at a high price and the peace he had sought had not come, instead he had been left defenceless and bleeding and yet Jensen wanted him back.... what did he do with that? Could he trust him? Could he trust himself? Jared wasn’t sure if he himself deserved a shot...god how he wanted to try though. Chad had spoken to him so calmly today, reassured him that he did deserve a shot at happiness and encouraged him to just one time try and let someone in. He told him he knew it was scary, but he could be happy with Jensen if he just gave the other man a chance.

Jared was silent for so long that Jensen was worried, had he fucked up? But then Jared looked at him again and smiled a small smile, a smile that was a little brighter than before and nodded,

‘’Ok, ok we can try...Jensen, I’m sorry...I’m sorry I said those things, I shouldn’t have.... I didn’t mean them... I don’t hate you’’

Jensen scooted his chair over and until it was touching Jareds and cupped his cheek lightly, ‘’Shhh... don’t apologise Jared, it’s ok...and I swear, you won’t be sorry you gave me this chance, I promise you I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you, I love you so much Jared’’

And Jared couldn’t help it, he closed the distance between them and brushed his lips softly against Jensens, Jensen sitting still in surprise, eyes wide and Jared brushed his lips against his again, more insistent this time and when Jensen closed his eyes on a sigh, Jared closed his and kissed him again, tongue flicking against his mouth and Jensen opened up and let him in instantly. They kissed like that for a while until Jared reluctantly pulled away, they weren’t in the right place for this. Kissing his lips once more, tongue flicking out and teasing as he kissed he pulled away completely and grinned at Jensen, still a shadow but a grin all the same and Jensen couldn’t help it, it was out of his mouth before he could stop it;

‘’Stay with me tonight?’’

Jared stiffened and made to pull away but Jensen held his hands firm, ‘’Please Jared, we don’t have to do anything, just sleep, I’ve missed you so much, I swear you will be safe with me’’ He tried to make a joke of it but Jareds smile faded and staring straight into Jensens wide eyes he whispered;

‘’I hope so Jensen...I hope so, lets go’’

‘’Where we headed?’’

‘’Home, to yours?’’

‘’God yes!’’

Two hours later, Jensen lay awake and watched the man curled around him sleeping deeply and contently. Jared looked like he hadn’t slept in a while and after Jensen had gotten him into bed and let Jared curl around him and relax Jared had fallen asleep almost instantly. Jensen sighed and kissed the head that was nestled near his on the pillow causing a quick frown to pass over Jareds face.

‘’I love you so much’’ He whispered as he finally allowed silent tears to fall, Jared was so vulnerable now, he softly brushed Jareds bangs off his face, this whole thing had affected Jared more than it had Jensen and in a way it gave Jensen hope. If Jared didn’t care at all he wouldn’t have taken it so badly right? Jared needed time and space and a whole lot of love and honesty and with friends like Chad and now Chris, they would prove to Jared he was worth this, that they were both worth this.

The tears dried on Jensen’s face and finally Jensen slept too.

chapter 12