magser | Revenge

Title: Revenge
Chapter:10 /?
Characters/pairings: Jared/Jensen ; Jensen/Mike; Jared/Omc's; Chad, Chris ; others
Rating: NC.17 (to be safe)
Wordcount:2,818
Disclaimer: Nope still don't own them.... unfortunately...
Summary: Nine years ago Jared had left Dallas and now he was back and he had only one thing on his mind..... Revenge.

Authors note: I have Lizzy to thank for whipping the end of this chapter into shape and Di for the wonderful encouragement this morning.
The song Jensen sings here is Kenny Chesneys ''When I Close My Eyes''

Day 1:

Jensen stood on the sidewalk leading up onto Jareds parents house, he had been standing there a good five minutes, a mixture of nerves and the past catching him unawares. He still couldn’t believe that he hadn’t recognised Jared and damn he was kicking himself, if only he had, he could have fixed all this so much sooner. He could have talked to Jared, got him to listen and maybe they could have fixed this before it got to here. Then again, logic told him that knowing what he did now and coupled with what Chad had helped him see, Jared would have run at the first sign of Jensen knowing who he was.... so maybe it was always gonna come to this. He sighed, well it was now or never, and taking a deep breath he walked up the path leading to the door of the house.

Inside the house, Jared padded barefoot and sweating toward the bathroom for a much needed shower, he had spent the last two hours working himself into the ground in the small gym his parents had put in while he was away. Nothing worked damnit! He had tried everything and nothing damn well worked, he couldn’t get the vision of green eyes swimming with tears and whispering desperately I love you out of his head. He wasn’t sleeping, he was barely eating and spent his days between his laptop writing, and the gym, usually working out till he was near collapse, but no matter what he tried he couldn’t stop the thoughts from running around his brain. It was no use... Jensen thought he loved him but he didn’t, he couldn’t , he loved the idea of who he thought Jared was, not the man he actually was, he could never love Jared.... he wasn’t worth it....

He had his t shirt off and slung across his shoulders and one hand on the bathroom door when the doorbell rang. He considered leaving it, his parents were out till the evening and he was in no mind for company, in fact he hadn’t spoken to anyone in a week and had no inclination to start now, but it rang again, and Jared sighed heavily and swore under his breath and moved to the front door, cursing himself for ever having shown his dad the joys of internet shopping and all day deliveries, he opened the door not thinking at all about the way he appeared, he never even looked in the mirror these days and stopped in shock at the sight of the man at the door.

Any and all thought completely fled from Jensens head at the sight of Jared standing at the door with no shirt, a baggy pair of old sweats and barefoot...he wasn’t sure if he wanted to cry or gasp out loud at the sight, because as good as Jareds body looked, his face told a whole other story. His eyes were sunken in his head, almost completely hidden behind a mask of black rings in a deadly white face. His hair hung in limp strands on his face and although he could tell that Jared had just been doing some kind of work out, this was different, Jared looked unhealthy.....

Jareds eyes or what he could see of them changed colour dramatically as he went from shock to a flash of fear to pain and ended up on his usual defence mechanism of indifference and the sneer he sent in Jensens direction fell way short of the mark and they both knew it;

‘’What are you doing here Jensen? Want to go another round? I told you I never wanted to see you again....’’

‘’Jared, can we talk? Look I... I just want to talk ok? We can fix this....if you let me, we can fix this... ‘’

‘’Fix it? Fix what?!’’ Jared threw him an incredulous look ‘’Jensen what makes you think I want to fix anything? Did you not understand my words the first time? Need me to write the damn things down for you?’’

Jensen sighed and bowed his head, counting backwards from ten... he was not gonna give up this fast, Jared had no idea how fucking stubborn he could be....he finally raised his head and looked into the face that told two different stories, the look of contempt on his face as he leant on the door and gazed at Jensen was totally different to the look in his eyes, his eyes told him he was raw, scared and completely vulnerable...

‘’Jared, I love you, I need you to hear that, and I need you to know it because I mean it...I want to work things out, and you can lie to me as much as you like but you know what? Your eyes are not lying to me Jared, you care for me... please, lets just fix this, at least give it a shot?’’

The only answer he got was the resounding slam as the door shut in his face.

Ten minutes later, as Jared stood under the spray reliving those few moments and the look of complete honesty on Jensens face, he shook for a few minutes before getting himself under control, and if there were tears on his face then the soap got in his eyes.

Day 2:

Jensen looked at the house in front of him, he knew Jared was alone, because he had watched both Jareds parents leave the house within ten minutes of each other. He also knew Jared had seen him standing here after his Mom left, cause he had seen the shadow of him at the window before the curtains had been pulled across very deliberately and it was only noon. Last night he had called Chad and told him what had happened. Chad had chuckled, the bastard, and told him he was actually surprised that Jared hadn’t struck out, he told him he must have struck a chord with Jared to say he had only slammed the door in his face and told him to keep up the good work and hung up....But Jensen knew that Chad was going to try calling Jared again, he knew Jared wasn’t talking to anyone, knew he had shut Chad out this time and that had to be a bad sign, but he knew Chad would continue to call Jared and eventually Jared would pick up....

Chris had clapped him on the shoulder and in a completely unsympathetic manner told him to suck it up and keep trying. Chris had made no secret of the fact that he thought what Jensen had done was worthy of an ass kicking of the first degree in his book and had told him unashamedly that he loved Jensen like a brother but he totally had Jareds back on this one.... but he had readily agreed to book the recording studio for himself and Jensen for the following morning, Jensen had a plan.....

So awesome friends aside, here he was again, with assault number two. He had no idea what he was going to do or say, and he didn’t care if he had to sit outside the door and talk through the closed door for an hour, he was prepared to do it.

So that was why, twenty minutes later saw him sprawled out on the front steps, back against the closed front door, legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles and arms folded chatting away seemingly to himself. He got a few funny looks alright, from people walking by and he had waved and saluted them in a friendly manner and had gone right back to the one sided conversation he was having with the man he knew to be just on the other side of the door.

‘’So.... thats Chris for ya Jared... says the ass kicking would have been a first degree one if he had known me then.... and knowing Chris, I’m not sure I want to find out.... Oh and you may want to answer the phone to Chad you know, or call him or something, the man is worried about you...he sends his love by the way.... says the chicks in Austin are falling at his feet, not sure how true that is seeing as I don’t know the man very well.....’’

‘’Jared?’’

Silence.

‘’Come on man, talk to me, I know you are there, I can feel you babe...I love you so much... you just got to give me the chance to prove it, to show you....I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t recognise you, and I’m sorry I hurt you so badly all those years ago, but I can fix this, I can fix us.... you just have to give me the chance, give us a chance. We can start again, from scratch, no secrets, no lies and no one between us, just you and me... what do you say huh?’’

Jensen waited a minute or two before rising stiffly to his feet with a groan, he brushed himself down and turned to lean against the door jamb arms spread wide on either side of it, leaning his head against the door he said softly;

‘’I gotto go Jared, people are starting to get freaked out here, but I will be back tomorrow ok? It will be a bit later ‘cause there is something I gotto do, and this time I’m bringing my own coffee... I can bring you one too if you’d like, your favourite?’’

Silence

‘’Ok, I will talk to you tomorrow Jared, and please...call Chad?’’

Jared leaned heavily on the door, his face pressed hard to it as he sat on his knees, listening to Jensen walk away and this time he didn’t bother to try and stop the tears that flowed.

Later that night, Jensen got a call from Chad, who told him Jared had finally called, and how they had a long talk. He told Jensen that Jared had told him of the visits and Chad praised Jensens stubbornness in talking to a closed door, he told him Jared was hearing every word he said and how it was breaking Jared in two, Jensen had been dismayed to hear it but Chad had assured him that this was something Jared had to go through.... he needed to do this to be able to come out the other side. He told him that Jared had started to eat again that evening which was a good sign before he hung up he had assured Jensen that he was doing fine, he would be down the weekend to see Jared himself and they would talk some more then.

Day 3:

It was towards evening on the third day that Jensen got to Jareds place, again his parents cars were missing from the drive and he was relieved. He got to the door and rang the bell, knowing that Jared would know who was there... he listened carefully and through the door heard the sounds of a door opening and closing and soft footsteps up to the door. He leaned on the door again and spoke;

‘’Jared? I can’t stay today, I have a soundcheck at the bar for a gig tonight, but, I’ve got something for you, I’m going to slip it under the door ok? Please, just listen to it, its just ....it’s that song I started to write and I never finished, but I did it, I finished it and I want you to hear it, cause I did it for you... I love you Jared and I want you back in my life.’’

His voice broke at the last words and he bent down and slipped the disc under the door, leaving it half in and half out, he rose again and placing his hands on the door, gave Jared the name and address of the bar he would be at tonight;

‘’Please...come? Jared...I ... just please, it would mean the world to me if you would come, and we could talk after...please?’’

He cleared his throat and pushed back from the door;

‘’I have to go Jared, I hope and pray to god I will see you later, I love you.’’

He walked away then only stopping when he got to the end of the path and looked back at the door and saw that the cd he had half pushed under the door was gone, Jared had taken it.

He smiled to himself and walked away.

That night, as the band played their last song to a packed bar, Jensen gave the bar one last sweep heart heavy and already knowing he wouldn’t find who he had spent the night looking out for. He wasn’t coming, he had hated the song and he wasn’t coming...But wait... he stopped and held his breath, for there standing just inside the door, alone and standing straight and tall was Jared. His eyes were fixed firmly on Jensens face and Jensen smiled tremulously, turning to Chris he gave him a nod and Chris glanced down the bar and spotted Jared. He grinned widely and nodded back to Jensen before turning to the crowd as the song finished.

‘’I know I told you that was the last song of the night, but Jensen here, wrote a very special song, it’s a song about saying I’m sorry and I still love you and forgive me’’ the last words Chris spoke he looked directly at Jared and smiled, Jareds face was hidden in shadow by now so they had no way of knowing how he was taking this.

‘’Ok dude, take the stage man, its up to you now.’’ And Chris laid his guitar down and stepped to the side and let Jensen sing acoustically, not something Jensen ever enjoyed doing but, Jared needed to hear this. So seating himself more comfortably, Jensen closed his eyes and opening them, fixed them to the shadow that was Jared at the back of the room and began to sing.

‘’ There's so many things
I didn't say
And even though
It may be too late
I want you to know
I still love you so
Every car I meet
Looks like your car
Every movie I see
You play the leading part
You're on my mind
Can't leave you behind

When I close my eyes
You're all I see
In the dark of night
You're in my dreams
Throughout the day
You're easy to find
You're always there
When I close my eyes

In my mind I know
You're far away
But here in my heart
Nothing has changed
I'm still holdin' you
Like I used to
On a busy street
In a crowded room
Wherever I go
It's just me and you
Together again
it never ends

When I close my eyes
You're all I see
In the dark of night
You're in my dreams
Throughout the day
You're easy to find
You're always there
When I close my eyes

You're always there
When I close my eyes’’

There was total silence for a split second before the room erupted in a loud and boisterous applause, and Jensen blinked, a bit taken aback, he had forgotten where he was, he had only been singing to Jared, trying to get him to feel the sorrow and pain and begging forgiveness with every word. He looked back to where Jared had been standing and he was gone. Jensen felt his stomach dip and he blinked back quick tears and turned his head away. A quick cough behind him got his attention and he turned and standing there was Jared, with Chris right behind him grinning like a loon and rocking on his heels with excitement.

Jared gazed at him for a few seconds, and Jensen could see that the cocky man he had presented to Jensen for all that time had been one massive act and he wondered if Chad should be worried in case Jared took up acting, for standing before him was a humble, nervous, man, past pain radiating from every pore and Jensen could see the effort it had obviously taken Jared to even come this far. Tears welled very close to falling on Jareds face as he eventually cleared his throat again and said in a shaky voice;

‘’You forgot to bring the coffee today, and I would very much love to talk’’

Jensen didn’t stand a chance of holding back the tears that fell down his face as he smiled up into Jareds face and grasping his t shirt he pulled him to him and held on for dear life, as Jared buried his face in Jensens neck and sobbed in a deep breath, his arms coming around to grasp Jensen to him tightly.

It wasn’t going to be easy, but at least Jared was here and now they could start mending fences.

chapter 11