magser | Release Me

Title:Release me
Chapter 17/18
Author:

magser
Pairings:Jared/omc; eventual Jared/ Jensen ; Chris Kane and others
Disclaimer: I'm sorry to say neither of the pretty boys belong to me.....
Rating:NC17
Summary:Jared Padalecki is a good man,trapped in a dead marriage,what happens when he falls in love with someone else?What will he do when forced to choose between the husband he feels he owes and the man who owns his soul?
Word count :2,311
Authors note,: This is completely un-betaed , all mistakes are my own stupid fault! Also just to tell you guys that this fic was inspired by a song, Martina MacBride: Satin Sheets.

‘’Hello Jay’’

Jared blinked at the sound of that name on those lips, and felt ridiculous at the surge of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. Pulling himself together he inclined his head at the men and gestured at them to come in. Chris shook his head and still looking a little nervous at the dead look Jared sent his way he spoke softly.

‘’I think you too need to talk so I will get out of your way’’ And he stepped away from the door and headed down the drive and the two men watched as he pulled away a short time later.

The two men stood awkwardly neither having moved from where Chris had left them, Jared halfway down the hall facing the front door and Jensen standing there at the door, now watching Jared carefully. There was so much that needed to be said between them, but now, looking at Jared, and seeing both a completely different man and traces of the Jared he had come to know and love in the mix of the man in front of him, he didn’t know where to start.

It was Jared that moved first, and stepped back a step and gestured inside. ‘’Come in ‘’ he said huskily, and cleared his throat before trying again ‘’ Please come in, pointless talking out here... may as well have a beer or coffee or something’’

Jensen could see the smile that Jared had sent his way was forced, and he grimaced to himself at the thought of Jared using that smile on people now... people should see the real smile, the real Jared, he hoped to god he could get him to try and give them a chance.

He followed Jared into a small but cosy living area that Jared was obviously still only getting together and sat in an armchair as Jared stood at the door nervously ‘’Coffee? Beer? If you were at my Moms first I would bet it’s a beer you want huh? She has probably filled you full of enough coffee to last you a life time!’’

Jensen chuckled at the thoughts of Jareds Mom and the food and copious amounts of coffee she had poured into them, ‘’yeah a beer would be good’’

Jared nodded and a few minutes later returned with two open bottles of beer and quickly handed one to Jensen as if afraid of touching him accidently. He perched himself on the corner of the couch and after taking a sip picked at the label for a few moments, Jensen watching him silently as he drank his own.

‘’So, how is the bar going?’’ He asked when he couldn’t stand the silence any longer.

‘’It’s doing good Jay, same people, same old thing, but it’s doing ok...’’ he put the bottle on the small table in front of him and leaned forward looking at Jared straight in the face and trying to let him see that he was being sincere and honest, he knew that after all the lies that Mark had told, it was honesty that Jared needed to hear and see in a person now.

‘’Jay’’ Jared looked up from the bottle he was inspecting and saw Jensen looking directly at him with those eyes of his shining with honestly and something else, was it hope?

‘’Jay, we need to talk’’

Jared looked away, he couldn’t bring himself to look at Jensen any longer, the guilt of what he had done to him was eating him alive, months later and it still killed him that he had had this chance with this wonderful man and he had blown it.

‘’I’m so sorry Jensen’’ he whispered, emotions held in check carefully, he had spent months burying these feelings, he wasn’t gonna let them out now.

‘’Jared no, it’s not your fault, none of this was your fault, I’m the one who is sorry, I’m so fuking sorry Jared, if I hadn’t said what I did, then maybe you ... maybe you would have come to me...’’

Jared sat, open mouthed in astonishment at Jensens words... he thought this was his fault? He was blaming himself? Jesus...

‘’Jensen, Jesus Christ Jensen, I was a married man, I had vows, I should never, never have let anything happen.... I let things get that far, I let myself... ‘’ he broke off, short of saying he had let himself fall in love with him.... took a deep breath and continued ‘’ I opened myself up for what Mark did, I should have known he would react this way, I know Mark, I have seen him coldly cut people down who he thought he had no more use for... I deserved what he did, but you... you didn’t deserve what he made me do to you and I’m sorry... I’m just so, so sorry’’

Jared got up from the chair and walking over to the window that looked out onto a small garden, leant against the frame as if for support... ‘’I have spent the last four months constantly regretting what I did to you, constantly asking myself what would have happened if I had refused to finish with you, where would we be now if I had left when I had tried to ... I finally realised a few weeks ago, that I couldn’t spend the rest of my life thinking about the what if’s and the maybe’s... If I wanted to stay sane I had to try and move on...Mark did a good job, he made damn sure there was no way I could have gone to you again after what I had done, I had to move on, you... you deserve so much more than me’’

Jensen blinked back tears that formed at the pain in Jareds voice as he talked... but before he could speak Jared turned from the window, staying where he was and spoke again ,

‘’ But I guess in the long run he did me a favour, cause now I’m free of him, we are no longer married, and I can finally live my life the way I want to , I can do what I want when I want... isn’t that what it’s all about?’’

But it was the forced smile that got Jensen more than the words he was trying to convince Jensen with... and standing he walked over to where Jared was and stood as close to him as he could, reaching into his pocket he pulled out the chain holding the ring, and taking Jareds hand in his, placed it into his palm. He stood back a step then and watched Jared carefully for his reaction.

Jared blinked at Jensen for a moment, startled at his reaction to Jensens closeness and then when he stepped back blinked again and looked down at what he had placed into his hand. His face changed colour, paling visibly making his eyes stand out as they filled with tears he tried so desperately not to cry, his hand shook, as he almost reverently touched the ring as it lay in the palm of his other hand and he spoke almost to himself as Jensen watched...

‘’I saw this lying on the counter the day I went to... that last day, you were so angry, and I felt like I was dying, I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought Mark wanted to make things better, I thought he deserved it, he was my husband... but I ... I saw this on the counter and I, I wanted something to hold you close to me... something that would get me through... ‘’ his voice finally broke and the tears that he hadn’t let himself cry for weeks finally poured again as he raised his face to Jensen, seeing Jensens eyes fill as he watched Jared break in front of him. Clutching the ring in his fist he continued...

‘’I loved you, and you loved me, and thats all that should have mattered, I should have grabbed that chance with both hands and run, but I didn’t... I was weak... I let Mark tell me what to do again, it was easier I guess, easier for me... but I hurt you in the process and I..’’ he stopped unable to continue, and walked away, falling with a soft thump onto the couch cushions as he rubbed his face, still clutching the ring in his fist...Jensen watched as the man he still loved grappled with his emotions and finally got them under some control, and looked at Jensen again.

‘’I don’t deserve you, you shouldn’t be here apologising to me, it’s ok, I’m ok, I will be ok... you should be back at that bar, living your life and meeting someone who deserves to have someone as wonderful as you in their life, not standing here watching me fall apart like the weakling Mark made me into..’’

Jensen finally realised that he hadn’t said the words he wanted to, and moving to sit on the other end of the couch, he faced Jared and spoke. ‘’Jay, I came here to apologise, and not only to apologise but... I want us to make a go of it Jay... don’t let Mark win, we had something you and I, we still have something, it’s here between us now, always will be I think. ‘’ he smiled gently at the look of utter shock on Jareds face.

‘’We can’t go back Jen, I did something unforgivable, I failed you, I failed to trust what we could have had, how can you ever trust me? How can we ever go back?’’

‘’We don’t go back Jay, we never go back... what we can do is move on... you and me, together, we start again, try and forget what he did, what he fooled you into doing.’’

He reached across and placed his hand over the fist that still clung to the chain and the ring, ‘’ The fact that you kept this, that you needed it to keep me close, tells me that you love me, I know you put it away, and I know why, you were trying to move on, I get that, but you still had it, you still love me, cause the fact that you still had this ring, you took it thinking that you were going back to your husband, thinking you were going back to married life, you held it anyway, that tells me you loved me.’’

He shifted closer, and sat as close as he could get and placed his hand to Jareds cheek, rubbed his thumb gently over and back wiping at tears that lingered on his lashes.

‘’You are a good man Jared ‘’ he whispered ‘’ Mark knew that, and he used it, he did more damage that way than if he had beaten you alive, he used the goodness that makes you so kind and loving and funny and used it to hurt you, don’t let him do that anymore, don’t let him win this one, we can’t go back, but we can start again and be great, we both did stupid things, but it doesn’t have to stay at that. Please jay...give us a chance... give me a chance? I can prove to you that we both deserve this; we deserve you and me... please?

Jared was so confused ‘’Why? Why do you still want me? I’m no good for you Jen, I’m no good for anyone...even Mark, he... he said I wasn’t worth it, said I was worth nothing more than a... ‘’ he couldn’t finish the sentence but Jensen knew what Mark had said and it made him so angry at the man he could have killed him right there.

‘’Jay, Mark was a fool, he never saw what he had in you, but I do, I see you, and I see a warm, wonderful, caring man who loves his family and who loves his friends, who is loyal and loving and if you give us the chance to work it out, I promise you, I will spend the rest of time proving to you how much I love you and how much you deserve to be happy. Don’t punish yourself for one mistake, Jay I’m here, now, and I want you... I only want you’’ It was the breaking of Jensens voice on the last four words that got jared raising his head again and looked as Jensen blinked back tears and moved his hand from his face to the back of his head.

He allowed himself to be drawn towards Jensen, never taking his eyes off of Jensens beautiful expressive eyes, never closed them as Jensen placed his lips softly over Jareds in a chaste kiss.

‘’ Please Jay, don’t let him win’’

Jared raised both hands, chain wrapped around the fingers of one and placed them on Jensens face and smiled, a smile that took Jensens breath away, his whole face open and his eyes alight, gorgeous dimples breaking out ‘’Yes... oh god yes please Jensen’’

They kissed then, slow and easy, mouths blending together as they rediscovered how they tasted together and finally breaking apart to rest their foreheads together, Jared smiled again and Jensen was lost in this wonderful man.

‘’I swear Jay, we will take this as slowly as you want, we don’t have to rush anything’’

‘’So...’’ Jared grinned impishly ‘’I don’t spose you brought lube huh?’’

Jensen blinked and laughed loud....

They were going to be just fine, there were bound to be bumps, and he doubted they had heard the last of Mark, but together they could do this...

He kissed Jared again and answered with an impish grin of his own...

‘’Chris thought of everything’’

Jared grinned wider and whispered softly as their mouths met again,

‘’God bless Chris’’

________________________________________________________________________________

Current Mood: calm

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

amtamburo.livejournal.com

Yey... First again! And I even read the chapter...

I am so thrilled that they are back together. Although I have to admit that this line

They were going to be just fine, there were bound to be bumps, and he doubted they had heard the last of Mark, but together they could do this...

makes me a tad nervous... but Jensen is right about the last part. If they are together and face things as a unit, they can get through anything! Even Mark the Shark and his nastiness!

Edited Date: 2008-10-27 10:16 pm (UTC)

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Release Me

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