magser | Missing

Title: Missing10/10
Author: Magser
Word Count:1,701
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: I dont own either of them, shame really
Summary:Jensens world crashes down around him after his lover is reported missing in a foreign country....
Main Pairing : Jensen/Jared ; Chris kane
Authors note: This is my first venture into this scary scary world of writing, and i have to thank my wonderful friend

garvaldmains
for her help!I could not do this without this wonderful lady's help and input.
Also from here on in all mistakes are mine and mine alone, blame no one but me as it isnt betae'd.And we are almost done, i still cant believe i wrote something.... i just hope these last two chapters will have made reading this worth while.. and i thank all who responded to every chapter..
Ummm just to add today, this is the final chapter,and im so touched and pleased that you liked it so much, I realise that maybe this last chapter will have left some loose ends not sorted,but I plan on doing an epilogue at some stage, I promise, it just felt right somehow to leave them where I did..
Warnings: I think maybe i should have done this before, but I do want to warn of Character death (minor) and in this chapter there are scenes of a violent nature,so if you are sensitive please be careful....

Jensen sighed deeply as he watched Jared from the patio door, Jared was sitting out there under the tree again. He spent a lot of time there since he had been released from the hospital a week ago….Jared was hurting, but this time, the hurt wasn’t physical, and at the moment all Jensen could do was be there…

It had been a month before they had managed to get out of that country, Jared had simply been too ill to move with a list of ailments so long that to this day Jensen sent up silent prayers of thanks that Jared had survived…From the plane he had been shipped straight to the best hospital available and there he had stayed for another month to recover from the many, many injuries, from broken ribs and a wrist that needed to be reset, to the damage his back had taken which to this day bore the boot prints, he had needed surgery also on his cheekbone, and some internal injuries he couldn’t even remember at this point, but thankfully no permanent damage had been done there and the scars on his face would fade with time they were reassured…

Then there had been the onset of the pneumonia and how ill he had gotten, the respirator and the heart machine, he had looked so grey, almost colorless, but to Jensen he had simply looked beautiful, and he would be forever grateful that he had gotten him back alive.

Which brought on the guilt, a guilt he knew that Jared had in double, Jared was alive, but Tom was dead, and while Jensen would always feel grateful for the miracle that had brought Jared back to him, he knew Jared was having a terrible time coming to terms with his loss, especially in such terrible circumstances and he still blamed himself.

‘How is he doing?’ Chris asked quietly from behind him, everyone had gathered round and been a rock, but Jensen knew there was no way he would have come through this sane if it hadn’t been for the constant steady presence of Chris and Steve.

Chris had taken to staying over since Jared had been released, Jared was still very weak, and Jensen needed the help, and frankly the support.

Jensen sighed again as he glanced to Chris before turning his gaze back on to the man seated under the tree in a chair, he was wrapped in a blanket and staring out over the garden and seeing nothing at all, Jensen knew.

‘Quiet, he is so quiet Chris, I just don’t know what to do, how to help him, you know?’

‘All you can do now is what you have been doing, Jensen, the man almost died, he was kidnapped, and starved and beaten, he was forced to watch his best friend be beaten to death, and then die in his arms…’ Chris looked out at Jared and watched as Jared leaned his head back with a sigh that could be seen even from where they stood.

‘ya know Jen, with all that Jared has been through, all that he has survived, he is still the Jared we knew, he still manages a smile, I know he is hurting now, and he probably will for quite some time, but I admire him so damn much, the strength and courage it must have taken to just keep surviving…’

Chris still couldn’t believe all that Jared had survived, Jared hadn’t spoken in detail to him and Steve, but he knew that he suffered nightmares, he could hear Jared every night from down the hall, he could hear the sobs and the shouts and he heard Jensens soothing words as Jensen brought him out of the nightmare and held him as close as he could get. He could hear all this because Jared refused to close a door now, he needed the knowledge that he had the power and the freedom to get up and walk out if he needed to.

Not that he could, he was getting there, but it was going to be a while before Jared was back to full strength, he was trying, but the guilt was eating away at him, it was obvious he was blaming himself everyday…

Chris watched as Jensen gave him a grateful smile and moved to go outside to join Jared, and Chris disappeared inside to give the two men the privacy to talk…

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Jared sat in the shade of the tree, he knew Jensen was watching him, he also knew the exact moment Chris had joined Jensen, he knew they were worried for him, and he was so damn sorry…

It seemed to him, that lately he was doing nothing but causing grief and pain… Not an hour went by lately that he didn’t think of Tom, the big vibrant Tom, the boy he had known and the man he had become… Tom had always been the one constant in his life as he grew up, he had always known he could count on Tom, and he just felt that when Tom had needed him he had let him down, had failed to protect him and watched him die in his arms powerless to stop it.

Jared felt Jensen come up behind him, and he smiled gently as Jensen slipped his arms over jareds shoulders and leaned down into him to hug him from behind…

‘Hey baby’ Jensen said as he gave Jareds frail form a light squeeze, and gently kissed the top of his head. ‘You doing ok babe?’

‘Yeah ‘Jared smiled and squeezed Jensens hands where they met in the middle of his chest from behind ‘Yeah I’m fine’

Jensen sighed and moved to sit at Jareds feet, his head resting on Jared knees and Jared absently began running his fingers through Jensen’s hair repeatedly.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, before Jared began to speak quietly,

‘I was so scared, Jen, so fucking scared’ they had had conversations about his time in captivity, about how Maria and Carlos had helped him escape, about the beatings and the torture of not knowing if he was going to survive this and get home, but this was the first time Jared had come out and said those words…

Jensen raised his head and looked up into Jareds face as Jared determinedly looked straight ahead as if he would break if he looked at Jensen now, so Jensen lowered his head and let Jared continue at his own pace…

‘They just pulled us both from that cage and rounded on Tom, I begged, I pleaded, Jensen I tried, I couldn’t stop it…’ Jared took a deep shaky breath and Jensen still didn’t raise his head, he just let Jared get it all out …

‘He died in my arms, he was in so much pain… so broken, I knew I was hurting him by just holding him, and know what his last words to me were? He said it’s not your fault..’ Jared gave a shaky laugh ‘ He always did know me too well’ .

‘I couldn’t save him, I couldn’t take his pain away, he followed me everywhere, always trusting me, and look what it got him… just look what it got him…. He is dead and I’m alive… he is dead because of me’ Jareds voice broke on a sob and Jensen couldn’t take it anymore.

He moved so that he was practically sprawled curled around Jared on his lap and wrapped his arms as tight around his neck as Jareds still frail body would allow ‘ Baby, Tom loved you with all his heart, you were like a kid brother to him, this was not your fault, you were doing your job, and it was also a job that Tom loved, you know as well as I do, he was one stubborn son of a bitch and if he didn’t want to be there then he wouldn’t have been there…’ Jensen tucked Jareds head under his chin and rubbed the back of Jareds head as Jared cried the tears he had held back for so long . ‘I love you Jared, I love you so damn much, and when I thought you were dead, it killed me, I couldn’t imagine how I was gonna survive without you, and I feel guilty that I feel such relief that it’s you I brought home alive.’

He kissed the top of Jareds head then as his own tears silently began to fall ‘ Jared I love you, I couldn’t bear to lose you, please, for me try see how much this would hurt Tom if he saw you wasting away and being eaten alive by this guilt you are carrying’

Jared tightened his hold on Jensen then and he just sobbed like his heart was breaking, he cried for his friend, the loss of a life that should never have been taken, the loss of the man he looked on as a brother, the plans Tom had made and the places Tom would never get to see…. And all Jensen could do was hang on and let him cry it all out, sitting curled in Jareds lap, stroking his hair and kissing his head as Jared cried and cried…. Jensens heart broke for him, but he knew this was what Jared needed and now Jared could start to move on….

After what seemd like an eternity, Jared slowely quietened and raised a tear stained face to Jensen ‘You kept me alive, you know, just you, I knew I had to get back to you, you are my whole world Jensen, and I love you so much’

Jensen smiled his beautiful smile then and lowered his head to kiss Jared, a soft kiss on Jareds mouth… ‘We will be ok, you and I’ he whispered ‘We are going to get through this, and you and I are going to be ok’

Jared pulled Jensens head down again and this time the kiss represented the tenderness they felt, the grief they would both deal with for a while and the promise that this love would see them through.

They were home……

The End

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