magser

Title:Someone Elses Life
Chapter: 25/?
Wordcount:3,534
Characters, Pairing: Jared/Jensen, Chad, Sandy, Chris, Steve/Sophia, Patrick Dempsey, Robert Wisdom, David Boreanaz, mentions of Jared/omc; Jensen/ David .
Summary:Jared Padalecki is a young man living hand to mouth, trying to save the only two friends he has in the world. Jensen ackles is a man with a broken heart and dented pride, and enters Jareds life long enough to leave him with a drawing and a dream of what Jared could have had. When one of Jareds friends dies tragically, Jared is left with no choice but to run, and ends up living a life that isnt his, a life that he can never have. What happens when Jensen finds Jared living in the house meant for the fiance that broke his heart, and can they come to an arrangement that suits them both?
Again my thanks to the ever helpful

kes1807 for reading this through for me.

chapter 24

Jensen blinked awake unsure yet what it was that had woken him. Reaching his hand across the large bed he quickly understood what that something was. Jared’s side of the bed was empty and cold.....again. He flopped onto his back with a weary sigh and glanced at the time illuminated in the darkness, three fifteen. Goddamnit, rubbing his eyes tiredly, he listened for any sound coming from downstairs, hell anywhere in the empty house.... nothing.

Four days, they had been back home four days and he doubted Jared had slept a total of five hours in those days. In the just over 24 hours that they had stayed in L.A. Jared had rested fitfully and in bursts, only to emerge from restless sleep sweating and shaking, but refusing to talk about anything. As Chad had correctly anticipated, Jared had once again shut down. But this time Chad was at a loss what to do. Nothing he said to his friend worked. None of the tricks he employed to get Jared to open up and at least talk, no matter how hard it would be to hear it, worked, he just refused point blank. It had gotten worse though since they had arrived back here. Now Jared only spoke when he was probed for an answer and never met anyone’s eyes anymore.

Jensen had insisted that Chris and Steve go back to their lives and they were currently in Texas, gigging, but calling at every opportunity. Chad, he had been shocked to discover had charmed his way into a job with old Mrs Jackson, and had even secured a small but cosy apartment rent free above it, in return for him keeping an eye on the place for her. Seems he had just discovered where Jared had learned his charming ways from. He had been surprised that Chad had turned down his offer to stay with him and Jared, but Chad had shaken his head with a smile and simply said three was a crowd and he would be by every day to make sure Jared was doing ok, but that they really needed the space to heal without a third wheel.

Jensen threw his arm over his eyes and thought back to the incident that had occurred earlier that night. Jared had emerged from the bathroom that afternoon, in a cloud of steam from his third shower of the day (he had taken to having at least five a day) and announced to Jensen’s shoes that he was going to work. Jensen had simply smiled and agreed, ignoring the bad feeling that was curling in his gut, Jared might be nowhere near ready for this, but it had been the first time since his breakdown in the bedroom in L.A. that he had spoken to anyone first so he wasn’t going to argue with him.

Jensen was no phycologist, and he had only just begun to see the real Jared before that Bastard had taken him, but he knew enough to know what Jared was doing. Jared had spent the last five days after his breakdown, carefully rebuilding the walls he had begun to let down to Jensen, the walls that Robert had ripped through with his carefully planned attack. Jared was terrified. Jensen could see it and Jared was aware of that fact. Jared had obviously decided to face the world he now feared and Jensen had felt useless and powerless to help. He just knew it would end badly, and all he could do was be there to pick up the pieces when it did.

He had known instinctively something was going to happen, but he had no idea how badly it would go. He had vowed to go to the bar and spend the evening sitting in the corner watching, and he had meant to. But he had received a phone call from a huge potential client just as he had been headed out the door, some three hours after Jared had left, and he had been delayed. He had felt guilty even taking the call, never mind how guilty he felt at being so excited at the meeting that they had requested with him, but as he had insisted Chris and Steve return to work, he too knew his life couldn’t be put on hold forever. His was only a fledgling business, even though he was doing well, it was still only young and trying to gain a reputation for good fast effective and daring work. Getting sloppy by not taking calls and time off would not help. But he still felt like the worlds worst for staying an hour longer to talk on the phone.

It was while he was driving toward town that his cell rang again, and Sophia’s number flashed on the screen. After hearing her panicked voice telling him to get there fast, he wasted no time in pressing the pedal the floor.

What he saw when he arrived at the bar, was a group of people huddled just outside the door, talking in low voices. Inside the bar was empty now, Sophia had closed it. The ground around the bar was littered with broken glass and a few chairs were knocked over, but no sign of anyone. Turning for the door and the stairs leading to Sophia’s apartment, he called out and followed the voice that answered, telling him to come up.

Chad was there before him, sitting in front of Jared who was huddled in the corner of the couch, knees drawn up, chewing obsessively on his nails, eyes fixed firmly on an invisible point on the couch. Chad rose to greet Jensen when he walked in and ushered him into the small kitchen, leaving Sophia to take his place, talking in a soothing voice to a man who wasn’t even listening.

“What’s going on?”

Chad glanced out in the direction of the door and turned back to Jensen, a pained look on his face.

“Some poor kid just passing through made a totally innocent pass at him Jensen, Jared totally lost it. Pulled him in over the bar, punched him a couple times before tossing him out over it again.”

Chad took a shaky breath and ran his fingers through his spiky hair, “Hell Jensen, it wasn’t even that much of a pass; he just laid a hand on his arm and asked could he leave his number, totally innocent and he almost beat him to a pulp. Thank fuck I was here, but he still had him before I could rise.”

Jensen stared at Chad with wide eyes.”Shit Chad.....is he alright? The kid?”

Chad nodded “Yeah, lucky for the kid, Jared is fucking drunk; his pride is more dented than anything. Jensen he is drunk, drunk! Jared never drinks man, not that much, but he is fucking drunk. What the hell?”

“He’s drunk?”

“Yeah, Jensen I’m scared for him. I have never seen him like this. He is spinning out of control, he won’t talk, won’t listen, he is just sitting out there completely lost in his head. He needs more help than we can give him dude.”

Jensen drew in a deep breath and clapped Chad on the shoulder, “Let me try and talk to him ok? I will get him home and see what I can get out of him.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“No, no it’s ok; I got it, thanks man.”

Jensen returned to the living room and Sophia stood up and joined Chad at the door as Jensen made his way over to where Jared sat and sat down in front of him, curling his legs under himself and bowing his head so he could look straight into Jared’s downcast eyes. Laying his hand softly on Jared’s knee, he spoke quietly.

“Hey Jare, what you doing dude?” Silence met his question and Jared took his hand from his mouth and turned his head to the side, rested on his knees, away from Jensen.

“Jared? Come on, talk to me now, please? What happened down there? From what I hear you scared the poor kid half to death. Come on Jared, Chad is worried about you, me too.”

Silence once again met his words and Jensen sighed and bowed his head, wondering what he should do next when Jared whispered.

“He touched me.”

Jensen’s head came up and he leaned in to hear what Jared was saying, “Who did? The kid touched you?”

Jared lifted his head then, his eyes glazed over and the slight tang of whiskey on his breath, he nodded and stared intently at Jensen, “Yeah....I know I......” He took a breath and Jensen watched his eyes go out of focus before clearing again, “I shouldn’t have hit him.....I’m sorry.....he just....startled me, no need to worry.”

“Hey that’s ok baby, why don’t we go home huh? Get some sleep, you have to be tired.”

Jared shook his head, “No, I have work to do Jensen....work.”

“Sophia has shut the bar for the night Jared, so you’re done alright? Come on, let’s go home ok?”

Jared snorted, “Home.....I’ve got no home Jensen, never did....”

“Jared....of course you do, come on dude, let’s go huh?”

Jared rose to his feet without glancing in Jensen’s direction and only a slight stumble giving away his inebriated state, looked over at Sophia, “I’m sorry Soph, I’m sorry....”

Sophia moved to Jared in an instant and wrapped her arms around his waist squeezing him tight, the only person allowed to get so close in recent days.

“Don’t worry about it Jared darling, just go home and sleep ok? I will talk to you tomorrow.”

Jared nodded his eyes filled with sudden tears as he gazed down at the small woman clutching him. He ran his fingers almost absently through her hair and said in a low voice, “She would have loved you.....Sandy.....you would have gotten on so well. But we will never know will we? She never got the chance....the chance to really live....cause of me.”

“Jared, no.” Chad moved forward a step and Jared immediately stepped back, with a sad smile in his closest friend’s direction.

“It’s ok Chad, you don’t have to lie for me, I get it now. I know. He told me everything you know.....”

“Who did? Who told you everything?” it was Jensen that spoke, the icy hand clutching his heart telling him exactly who he was talking about, and the look Jared sent him, told him he knew too.

“Robert......he told me it all....as he......as......he told me......how he used her...to get to me.....the things he did, what she let him do....all because he wanted a piece of me.....” He clammed up then, as if suddenly realising he had said too much and turned for the door without a backward glance, leaving Jensen to glance helplessly at the two stricken people staring after him, before following him out the door.

Now, Jensen sighed and glanced at the time again, three thirty. Throwing off the covers he silently made his way from the bedroom and down the stairs. The downstairs was in complete darkness and Jensen fumbled his way across the hall and through the living room into the kitchen. There was Jared, sitting outside in the cool night air, the light of the moon the only thing illuminating him, shot glass in one hand, head tipped back toward the night sky, eyes closed.

Jensen glanced from the nearly empty glass in Jared’s hand to the half empty bottle of Whiskey sitting on the table beside him and frowned. He didn’t know how to handle this. He didn’t know what to do. He had no idea what to say to Jared that could possibly make him feel better, cause in truth, nothing could make Jared feel better right this minute and he knew it. Jared was in pain, and beating himself up and talking to no one and Jensen felt like he was drowning right along with Jared and he couldn’t, no matter how much he fought, he just didn’t think he had the strength to keep the two of them afloat. And that broke his heart.

Taking a moment to pull himself together, pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing tired eyes, he stepped out onto the garden and came to a halt at Jared’s side. He touched Jared’s shoulder lightly with a whispered “hey” and Jared’s eyes opened lazily and his unfocused gaze fell upon the man standing unsure at his side. His unfocused drunken haze, saw Jensen standing there, the look of pain for Jared morphing into a look of disgust in Jared’s mind, and he closed his eyes again, mumbling under his breath “Go ’way”

“Jared, come on dude, come sleep huh?”

Jared’s eyes opened once more, and he shifted in the chair, bringing his head back from its position slowly as he attempted to straighten himself up to face Jensen. God he was beautiful, so fucking beautiful, standing there, his eyes and that mouth and............Jesus....he should have known.....he should have fucking run a mile before this started.....should have walked away while he could.....least then he wouldn’t be looking at him like he was the worthless piece of shit he was......

“God Jared,” Jensen dropped to his knee beside him and reached up to brush the tears that Jared never even knew he was crying, aside. “Baby, you’re not worthless, you’ve never been worthless. You have been dealt a shitty hand in life, and one you don’t deserve, one you have never deserved, but you’re not worthless I promise you.”

Jared blinked and grinned “You read minds now? Cause I swear I was just thinkin something like that....you’re awesome...”

Jensen smiled a little sadly and rubbed his thumb across Jared’s face “No, baby, I’m not awesome, you just spoke out loud that’s all.”

“I did? Huh....”

Jensen rose to his feet, and tugged on Jared’s hand lightly, “Come on dude, let’s go get some sleep ok?”

Sleep. The word was enough to bring a cold sweat out across Jared’s face and he shuddered and closed his eyes against a wash of pain. “No. No sleep....”

He tugged his hand free and tipped the glass in his other hand to his mouth draining the fiery liquid and reached for the bottle, missing by a mile and trying again , poured some more, before taking a large gulp.

“Jared, please don’t do this to yourself....baby why don’t you want to sleep?” Jensen cringed as he asked the question he already knew the answer to, but he hoped, no he prayed that for once Jared would open up, no matter how hard hearing it would be. Kneeling down again beside Jared, he stroked his arm and whispered “Come on Jared, talk to me, please.”

Jared turned his head away and tilted it back to face the sky again and keeping his eyes firmly shut, his reply was uttered so quietly Jensen had to strain to hear him. “I can’t Jensen....”

“Why not Jared? Why can’t you talk to me?”

Jared attempted a sneer and ended up swallowing a sob, “I can’t sleep Jensen alright!”

He pulled away and rose shakily from his seat, stumbling across the decking and leaning over the railing surrounding it, staring out into the dark night.

Turning around he faced Jensen who now stood a couple paces behind him, “Every time I close my eyes.....I.....”He shuddered and lowered his head, hugging his arms around himself and Jensen ached to go to him, but he knew it was pointless, he knew if he made a move Jared would only step away, so he stayed where he was.

Jared raised his head again and his eyes were filled with so much torment that Jensen felt his own fill “I feel him Jensen....all the time....no matter what I do, or how I try to block it out....he is just there....all the fucking time....and I.....it’s worse when I close my eyes......when I close my eyes...he is there...laughing at me...touching me....whispering those awful, awful things he did to my friends.....things he is gonna do to me...and the things he did do to me....I can’t sleep Jensen....I don’t want to feel him anymore.....I don’t want to see him anymore....I just....I can’t sleep....”

He moved away from the railing and stumbled toward the door, Jensen reaching out to touch him as he passed. Jared stopped by his side and keeping his head averted whispered “I’m poison Jensen; I will ruin your life....” He laughed quietly “But you know what the kicker is? I have nowhere to go...all my life....I have been controlled....by one person or another...by situations....I never had control....nothing that was mine....nothing I could choose to do...even now....here...this house....it’s not my home....I’m not ever going to be safe here.....I’m poison.....I’m......I’m so fucking sorry....”

Jensen turned and faced Jared, tilting his head and forcing him to meet Jensen’s gaze, “Jared, let me get you some help? There are people you can talk to.....people better equipped than me. I’m here and I always will be here for you, but you need more help than I can give. You are safe here, you’re safe now, with me... just let me get you some help?”

Jared looked into green eyes that he had come to love so much in so little time and felt fresh tears burn his eyes as he watched the life he had been so close to having slipping away. He had lost everything the night he had let Robert have him, he did this....no one to blame but himself. “No one can help me Jensen....I did this....I....did...this.” Pulling his hand away gently from Jensen’s grasp, he stepped to the side and stumbled in the door, leaving Jensen to stand alone in the dark, wondering what in the hell he was going to do now.

***********************

One week later:

Jared’s head hurt. He groaned as he fell from the bed, the early afternoon sun shining through the window, blinding him as he fumbled his way to the bathroom and stepped into the shower, boxers and all. Emerging some ten minutes later, clean, dry and still feeling like hell, he donned a light sweatpants and what had become his usual long sleeve shirt buttoned up to the last to conceal the now yellow bruises and marks, he made his way downstairs, head still throbbing. Hangovers had become a daily thing for him in the last week. It was a small price to pay he thought, when the drink kept the dreams at bay.

He headed toward the kitchen a strong coffee on his mind as his thoughts ran to Jensen. He had seen the looks the other man was sending him....the doubt....the fear....the disgust....but Jared ignored them all, it was easier. As he reached the kitchen, his head full of cotton wool he never saw Jensen as he sat out in the sun, not at first, he had turned with his mug in his hand when he spotted him. Jensen was on the phone, and he sounded worried, weary and tired....Jared’s blood ran cold. He was talking about him.

Words drifted in the door and Jared stiffened as the words penetrated his whiskey fried brain.

“Yes I’m sure......drinking nonstop man......complete break.....yeah I know....it’s what I need to do Chris.....I can’t go on like this....I’m sorry too....but I’ve got to do this......yeah....yeah ....this is going to destroy us both if I don’t move now....I know you are dude....thanks for callin’....I will tell him later, before he starts on today’s binge....I know....he will....someday....ok call you later man.”

Jensen hung up the phone and sighed. It was so quiet here, so damn beautiful, he would be sorry to let it go, but he knew now he had to. For both their sakes, it was the right thing to do, sell up and start fresh someplace new, he just hoped Jared would understand him doing this without talking to him first. But he was certain that back in Texas, close to his family, and the support they would offer, Jared would get better. He just had to tell him now. He sat there for another twenty minutes, soaking up the sun and the peace before he rose and went back inside. He spotted the now cold mug full of coffee on the counter, Jared was up.

Heading upstairs he called Jared’s name tentatively with no reply. Frowning he checked the bedroom, empty, he wandered into the bathroom, empty save for the boxers left in a wet mound on the floor. Frowning deeper he headed for the room he used to work from and found it empty.

“Jared?”

Turning back toward the bedroom he checked closer and saw the open closet door. Heart pounding as a dread filled him; he moved to the closet and pulled open the door. Most of Jared’s clothes were still there, he heaved a sigh of relief and moved to close the door but the empty spot in the top corner caught his eye. Jared’s backpack, the one he kept his drawings in.....it was gone.

Running now, he dashed down the stairs and straight out the front door calling Jared’s name, but it was too late.

Jared was gone.

chapter 26