Changes

[magser]

Title: Changes
Chapter:1/?
Pairings/ Characters: Jared/Jensen , Sophia/Chad, Chris and probably more when and if i come up with them.
Rating: NC17 to be safe, but not yet....
Summary: Jensen is a multi million album selling singer, Known worldwide, when he decides to take off on an impulse to try and escape for a while he finds more than the escape he was looking for.
Authors note: Im back and this time, its totally and completely garvaldmains  fault! This started out a tiny tiny plot in my head and she gave me this huge plot to work with, I just hope I do it the justice I think only she could have given this, but I will try! I love you to pieces Di!

 

 

Jensen Ackles stood just inside the open patio doors just watching the goings on with a detached eye. The huge crowd that gathered in the hired function room of the hotel laughed and joked and drank like there was no tomorrow. He doubted that they even knew what or who they were celebrating at this stage. He didn’t know half of these people, hell, he didn’t think he knew any of these people. Why wasn’t he happier? Damn why wasn’t he in there getting as shit faced as the rest of this anonymous crowd? Of all of them he had the most reason to be happy, it was him they were celebrating after all. He smiled a half smile to himself, well... he had done it... he officially had achieved everything he had ever wanted... he was now the most successful recording artist of all time, officially. As of tonight he had more Grammy awards than Garth Brooks, had sold more albums hell he had done more everything than Garth Brooks. Pretty soon Garth himself would be knocking on his door looking to have him on his album, not the other way around....So why wasn’t he jumping out of his skin?

Jensen was tired... not just tired in body, he was damn tired of it all. He had heard it so many times the old saying, one of many actually, ‘Be Careful What You Wish for’. How true that was, he had wished for this, he had wanted this, he had worked fucking hard to get here, and now he would gladly give it all up  just for one night, just one night in the arms of one man who had never cared who he was or what he was or what he owned. Just one fucking look into the face of the man who had loved him unconditionally for a time, the man who had brought Jensen to the brink of giving it all up. God he was pathetic.

He swallowed back the regrets and pain that threatened to bring him to his knees where he stood and half stumbled out the patio doors into the vast gardens. Clutching the glass of clear liquid in his now shaking hands he half ran until he found a secluded bench in a corner of the garden and just sat and listened as the party went on without him. He rubbed tired eyes and leaned his head back, willing the memories that now crowded his brain, back into the corner of his mind where he worked day and night over the past few weeks to keep them. He never heard the approach of the other man until he spoke;

“So this is where all the top Grammy winners hide out huh?”

Jensen opened his eyes and gazed upon the face of his close friend and music rival Chris Kane. Without speaking further and before Jensen could protest, Chris had seated himself down beside him and took a swig from the bottle of beer in his hands. Jensen had to smile, no matter where he was, or the company he was in, you were always assured of two things with Chris, he would always wear that cowboy hat of his and he would always upon always drink a bottle of beer. Contrary to popular opinion, Chris actually never touched shots, he always drank a bottle of beer. Now, Chris stretched his booted feet out in front of him and crossed his arms lightly and tilted his head as he watched Jensen silently, before speaking,

“Water?” He asked, indicating the glass of clear liquid Jensen held, and Jensen nodded.

Chris chuckled;

“Beats me how you manage to fool those people into thinking thats anything other than water”

“Thats because they are all idiots, they don’t give a damn what I’m doing or drinking as long as they have their party and I’m bringing in the awards and the money!”

Chris raised an eyebrow and sat a little straighter in his chair waiting, and when Jensen didn’t speak any more he tried again;

“There was a time Jensen, that it was vodka in that glass, in fact that was not so long ago my friend”

Jensen didn’t spare Chris a glance, he just continued to stare out into the night as if he were miles away;

“A lifetime Chris, a lifetime”

“Hey, you wanna talk about it? You haven’t been the same since you got back from that impromptu roadtrip you took a few months back.”

Jensen had to chuckle then at Chris’ choice of words, Six months ago, after Jensen had finished his promotional tour promoting the album, and just before the Grammy nominations came through, Jensen had gotten up one morning and disappeared. He had just packed a small bag and taken off in his truck, giving his manager a small heart attack, when he hadn’t been able to contact him, save for the message Jensen had left on his phone telling him he was taking a break and not to bother trying to contact him, that he would be back when he was good and ready. Jensen had stayed gone for four months. Four months that had changed his life, and taught him more than anything else he had done or achieved in the last ten years.

Now though, he just looked at Chris for a moment, before shaking his head and looking back out into the night.

“I can’t...”

Jensen sat forward then, dropping the glass onto the soft grass below and with his elbows on his knees dug the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to burn out the memories that were overwhelming him. Damn, why did he feel like this? It had been Jareds decision to end this, Jared who had shoved him out the damn door, so why did he have this feeling that he missed something important, missed a vital something?

“Hey” Chris sat forward then, all pretence gone and only his friend remaining, “Come on man, talk to me, please...I’m worried about you, a lot of people are worried about you...”

Jensen snorted at that and raised now red eyes, “Chris, you know better than that, those people in there, they don’t care, they don’t give a shit what happens as long I keep bringing in the number one albums and the awards and everything that this life brings them... No one... no one knows or cares about how I am feeling, about what I want, not really...”

Chris frowned at the words pouring from his friend, it was well known that the people that Jensen kept close to him were the tightest knit group in the music industry, Jensen had a reputation for being a kind, generous and laid back man and it only added to his popularity amongst his fans and the people who worked for him.

“Come on Jensen, you know thats not true! Jesus man those people in there...” He glanced toward the hotel and the packed function room, “Well a lot of those people in there, they are your people, your friends man, they care about you! They depend on you!”

“Thats it though isn’t it!” Jensen rose to his feet, agitated and hurting and lashing out, “They depend on me! They rely on me! Too fucking many Chris! One time... just one fucking time I wanted to not have to worry about others, I just wanted to worry about me!”

Chris watched in silence as Jensen unravelled and he knew he needed to let this happen now, Jensen was headed for a breakdown if he didn’t talk to someone, and even though the media loved to paint Jensen and him as rivals, nothing could be further from the truth, they were friends first and Jensen needed his friend.

Jensen looked to Chris then and his eyes were tortured and hurting, “I...that time I left?”

Chris nodded silently, and Jensen moved to sit heavily down on the bench beside him again and heaved a heavy sigh,

“I met someone...I....shit Chris, I spent three months with a man and I fell in love with him...”

Chris hung his head and listened, his heart breaking for his friend as the story of what happened in those four months unravelled.

“I just had enough you know? I woke up one morning and I swear if I hadn’t gotten out when I did and left, I would have cracked up Chris, so I got up at dawn one morning and packed a bag and took off in the truck......”

 

 

chapter 2