magser

Title:You're Gone
Chapters: 1/1
Characters: mention of Jared/Jensen; otherwise Just Jensen and Sadie and brief Steve
Summary: Jensen says goodbye....
Disclaimer: I dont know them, I dont own and I thank god this has never ever happened....
Wordcount: 1,529
Warnings:: Please PLEASE think before you read this, this is a plot bunny that would not leave me alone and it IS A DEATH FIC ...
Authors note: I still don't know why I'm posting this, I am more terrified by this than anything else I have done.... it's not very good and is inspired by a song by Diamond Rio 'You're Gone' . Thank you to my gorgeous

garvaldmains for encouraging me to post it...Im still terrified and I appologise.... and once again, please think before reading, it is not a happy fic and is as i said a death fic..

The sun is high in the Texas sky as Jensen sits himself down on the bench facing his friend, his lover, his life. He watches through blurred vision as Sadie moves to throw herself down beside Jared, head on her two front paws and only now does he see the tension leave the big dog. This seems to be the only place she will settle these days, only when he brings her to Jared will she rest, and now she settles her large body down seeming to know that Jensen will be here a while. He had tried to leave her behind when he packed up and left the house in Vancouver, tried to leave Sadie with Jareds folks, but she had refused to stay, whining and crying, she became Jensen’s shadow until he had broken down and packed her into his car and taken her with him, promising to take care of her like Jared would have wanted them to.

He removes his sunglasses long enough to wipe his wet eyes and places them on his head once more. God knows he needs to stop coming here, he needs to move on, it’s what everyone is telling him, but he can’t, not yet, he can’t bring himself to leave Jared behind. Today he needs to talk to him, he hopes and prays to God Jared can hear him, he is sure he can, and now he really needs to believe he does.

“Jared....I need to talk to you...they...they tell me I need to move on, I need to go back and live my life, Jesus... why don’t they see my life is here? My life is lying cold in the ground? My life ended the day you left me? “ Tears fall unbidden from behind the sunglasses as Jensen gives himself over to the grief that he has held in check since they buried Jared. “I need to thank you. I don’t think I ever did, not really.... The day I met you Jay, I bless the day I met you. Do you remember? Sitting in that room, just the two of us, wondering where the hell everyone else was? And then Kripke comes in with his people and they tell us this is it? That it was you and me? God I had no idea what I had left myself in for... What I had left myself in for was you, and I.... You saved me Jay. I was introverted and shy and you were so full of life and untainted. The business hadn’t gotten to you the way it had to most and from the start you just dug your way under my skin and brought me to life....you brought everyone to life. No matter who you met, who you came into contact with, they loved you from the start. You were the life and soul of the set, your smile, your laughter, your games and your pranks. You saw straight through me.... I never stood a chance, not when you looked at me with those eyes that looked into my very soul. You took my hand and shook it and I was lost. You brought colour back into my life, you made me laugh at your silly jokes, you got me involved in more prank wars than I care to remember and got me laughing when I thought I was done laughing. You made me love again, love the work, love the hours, love the fans. I never realised I was sinking until you came along, and you...you took me by the hand and pulled me up and out and made me free and I love you.” A hand rises to his face and he gives up on trying to hide his eyes and scrubs his face with one hand, uselessly trying to dry tears that refuse to stop as Sadie sleeps on, resting now that she knows she is near her Jared.

Visions of Jared flash through his mind; the first time he met him, a tall skinny kid with too much hair and a smile too wide, the open expression on his face and the honesty in his eyes as he had introduced himself and seemed to understand from the beginning how tense and shy Jensen was and taking the flack and putting him at ease. How hard Jared had worked throughout that first season, how he had listened and watched and learned and evolved and how Jensen wondered at the end of that first season how he had gotten along without Jared in his life. How he had relied upon Jared at the Paley that time, how scared the crowd and overzealous fans had made him and how Jared had stuck to him like glue, his presence reassuring him. How happy he had been to get back to the second season, how Jareds smile just lit up the whole set, no matter how bad Sam got, no matter how emotional he had to get for Sam, Jared always had an easy smile ready.

Visions swim in his head, his smile, the sound of his laugh, the sight of his head tipped back, hands clapping with glee, his hair hanging in his face and how he used it to hide behind when he did get down. The touch of his hands on his skin, the taste of his lips on his, how it felt to just melt into those strong arms and forget for just a while. How hard he had fallen in love with the man and easy Jared had made it to just love him;

“You made me love you and you left me... you’re gone Jay and I don’t know what to do now.... why would you do that? Why would you make me love you like this and just go?” He gets off the bench and walks the short distance to where Jared is resting and sinks to his knees and with a hand on Sadies head continues talking as he absently strokes her fur. “I’m sorry... it isn’t your fault Jay.... the time we had, the short time we had was a blessing and I will never regret any of it. God sent you to me when I was at my lowest, and I know now he only let me borrow you for a short time, you saved me Jay and he took you back again. But what we had, what you gave me will live with me forever and I will never ever forget you. Thank you.” The last words spoken on a broken whisper and Sadie raises her head and whines softly as if she knows her time is up and they have to go....Leave her beloved Jared and Harley behind...

She was the only survivor in a massive pile up that Jared had gotten stuck in on the highway when Jared had left Vancouver to drive his dogs back to Texas for the summer. He and Jared were planning a trip to London, and he wanted the dogs with his Mom where they could be happy. So he had planned the drive to Texas where he would leave the car and the dogs and fly back out to L.A. from there and meet Jensen. He had kissed Jensen lightly on the lips before he left telling him to behave himself now, and he would see him in a few days and not to miss him too much. Jensen had stayed behind to finish some voice overs and he had promised Jensen faithfully that he would call and text every step of the journey, he still had the voicemail on his phone that Jared had left while Jensen was working, telling him he missed him already and he loved him and would call him from home, but Jared had never made it and Jensen had been left alone...

A hand comes to rest softly on his shoulder and he doesn’t have to look to know its Steve. The man hasn’t left his side since Jensen called him in shock to tell him Jared was gone. He looks up but can’t see the look on Steve’s face with the sun and smiles slightly before rising to his feet and bringing Sadie with him.

“I just.... I just wanted to say goodbye Jay. I have to go now, I think your Mom needs her space too and I...I may be wearing out my welcome a bit....“He softly kisses his fingertips and lays them on a picture in a frame of a smiling Jared someone had left there.....

“The good news is I’m a better man for having met you Jared Padalecki, but the bad news is you’re gone and how I go on now I don’t know, but if you taught me one thing it’s to never give up and to love while I can, so I’m going to go on for you... me and Sadie will go on for you. I love you Jay.”

He moves back a step, into the comforting embrace of his closest friend:

“See ya in a few Jay.”

And he is led from the graveyard, with Sadie trailing behind.