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magserChapter:12 /?
Characters/pairings: Jared/Jensen ; Jensen/Mike; Jared/Omc's; Chad, Chris ; others
Rating: NC.17 (to be safe)
Wordcount:2,228
Disclaimer: Nope still don't own them.... unfortunately...
Summary: Nine years ago Jared had left Dallas and now he was back and he had only one thing on his mind..... Revenge.
Authors note: With thanks to my late4 night msn buddie Lizzie for kicking my ass on this one....
Jensen woke slowly, spending a few minutes in that grey area between fully awake and fast asleep, just drifting slowly toward the waking world when last night’s events hit him like a brick and his eyes shot wide open, his stomach turning over. Would Jared be gone? He was lying on his side, his back to the other side of the bed and he turned his head fearfully half afraid of what he would find. Jared lay on his side, head supported by his hand as he watched Jensen wake with a serious expression on his face, his eyes shuttered.
‘’Hey, you ok Jared?’’
“You were crying, why?”
Jensen was so not awake enough to deal with this... “Uh, Jared? I love you dude, and I promise I will answer any question you want, but I need to go to the bathroom and I need a coffee man”
Jared indicated the dresser on Jensens side of the bed and smiled “Bathroom I can’t help you with, the coffee is taken care of”
Jensen almost lunged for the mug, which was still warm enough to enjoy “Dude, I knew I missed you for a reason, oh thats good, I gather you got to the pot before Chris cause there is no way in hell Chris made this, damn this is good”
Jared grinned a little at Jensens words and sniggered “I think he planned it actually, he seemed to arrive just as the pot brewed, I see he hasn’t lost his knack of getting out of coffee making”
“That is one job I don’t mind him not doing man, surely you remember how bad the mans coffee is, would knock a damn horse!”
Jensen sighed loudly as he drained the last of the coffee and an eyebrow raised as the mug was taken from his hands and set aside, Jared then settling himself in for a talk, resting his head once more on his hand; “So...ready now?”
Jensen grinned,” two minutes dude, give me two minutes and I swear I will be right with you” and he scurried out of the bed and headed for the bathroom and returned not five minutes later, morning routine taken care of and teeth given a quick brushing . The bed was empty when he got to the bedroom and as he turned to follow Jared to the kitchen Jared appeared at the door with two mugs of coffee and the men settled back into bed against the pillows, quietly sipping until Jensen could avoid Jareds gaze no longer and smiled sheepishly;
“So you noticed the tears huh?”
“Hard not to Jen, they left a path right here” he traced a line from Jensens eyes down his cheeks. “I was worried, if perhaps you were thinking twice or something”
“No! Jesus Jared no.....actually I think they were just relief you know? I had you here finally and I’m just so damn happy you’re here with me again, and so proud of you for taking this step and I dunno....I’m just happy I guess”
“Good, thats what I was hoping for” Jared whispered and again removed Jensens mug from his hands placing it on the dresser alongside his own. “I missed you Jensen”
“I missed you too, or hadn’t you noticed me camped outside your door, talking to myself like an idiot”
“No, not an idiot, and I heard every word you said, thank you, for not giving up on me”
Jensen knew he was talking about more than camping outside his door and he smiled softly, raising his hand to cup Jareds cheek, thumb brushing his face softly;
“I will never give up on you Jared, never, I promise, I love you”
“I...just give me some time Jensen, I will try, I am trying, I want to say those words but I....”
“I know, It’s ok...I don’t expect them from you, not yet, you need time and we got all the time in the world Jared, I’m not going anywhere I promise”
Jensen raised his head a fraction then as if to move to kiss Jared and halted, afraid he was going to push the man too far and Jared had to smile.
“It’s ok to kiss me you know, I won’t break I swear”
“Oh thank god” was all Jensen could say and he closed the distance in a second, his lips finding Jareds in a soft open mouthed kiss, tongues meeting and exploring and relearning the curves of each others mouths.
Jensen found himself pressed back against the pillows, as Jared became more possessive, his mouth more demanding and Jensen rose to the challenge meeting him halfway as softness gave way to hard fast need. Jared leaned over Jensen and Jensen spread his thighs in silent invitation and Jared climbed in between them and pressed his hard aching cock to Jensens and soon they were kissing hungrily and thrusting hard against each other, passion and pain and need and want overtaking any need for gentle preparations now and soon enough they were coming seconds apart, Jareds face buried in Jensens neck panting hard.
It took a few minutes for heartbeats to slow down and bodies to move and Jared moved to the side, maintaining contact but giving Jensen room to breathe, Jareds leg spread across Jensens thighs possessively holding him in place. They were silent for a while, sharing little nibbling kisses and silly grins still coming down from their high and finally Jensen asked a question that had passed through his mind since discovering who Jared was.
“Jared?”
“Mmmmmmm?”
“Can I ask you something?”
Jared opened one eye sleepily and at the wary look in Jensens face he raised his head onto his hand and narrowed his eyes.
“I’m not gonna like this question am I?”
Jensen shook his head “I doubt it, but I’ve got to know”
“What is it?”
Jensen shifted slightly on the pillow so he was still laying down but facing Jared squarely,
“Ummm remember the time I touched you, I just wanted to give you the same pleasure you always gave me and I touched you and you freaked?”
Jared tensed instantly, as endearing as it was that someone of Jensens experience couldn’t bring himself to say the words outright, he knew exactly what he was getting at and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to admit to what he knew Jensen wanted to hear.
“When you tried to insert a finger? When you tried to do this?” He smiled seductively and moved his hand under Jensens boxers and down over his ass to his hole his finger playing gently with the muscle there.
“Jared....please...come on man, I need to know” He gently took Jareds hand and firmly removed it and Jared flopped over onto his back his hands behind his head.
“Why did you freak out that night Jared?”
“I don’t want to talk about this Jensen.”
“Was it.... was it because of me? Did I do that to you? Make you hate to be touched there?”
Jared sighed and turned his head away for a moment, damning Jensen and the stubborn streak he was discovering the man had. A hand grasped him gently but firmly under his chin and guided his face back to face Jensen;
“Did I? Am I the one that I had been cursing since that night? Did I do that?”
“It’s not like that Jensen, it’s stupid.”
“It’s not stupid Jared if you are denying yourself something because of me”
“No, I wasn’t denying myself Jensen, I just....”
“Just what Jared? Talk to me, come on, please?”
“I didn’t trust anyone after you ok? I just, I didn’t trust anyone else, I swore no one was gonna take me like that again and I never trusted anyone else to again”
“Jesus” Jensen was stunned...he honestly didn’t know whether to be angry at himself or Jared or even if anger was the right emotion here, Jared had never ever left anyone near him after Jensen, he had denied himself the most incredible pleasure because of Jensen...no, anger wasn’t the right emotion he decided, it was disgust, he was disgusted with himself...
“Jensen, it’s not like that, it’s not like how you think Jensen, listen to me, don’t beat yourself up over this alright? It was a selfish conscious decision on my part, and nothing to do with how you were with me that first time.”
“Thats not the point though is it Jared, I still caused you to make that decision, god! Im such a fuck up!”
Jared was up on his knees like a shot and straddling Jensen, “No! No you’re not, you’re incredible is what you are, you didn’t fuck me up Jensen, I fucked myself up cause I couldn’t face what had happened, I choose to run and never faced it, If I had stayed and faced it head on I would have been ok a hell of a lot sooner. I was the coward Jensen, not you.”
Jensen smiled wryly then “We are quite the pair huh?”
Jared grinned and Jensen noticed that every time Jared smiled now it was getting a little brighter, it was still a shadow of the smile he knew Jared could smile, but it was like watching a sun rise, and he knew he would get that shadow free smile he saw in that photograph, and it would be worth the wait.
“Yes we are Ackles, yes we are” and he leaned down then and kissed Jensen long and hungrily before flopping back down beside him again.
“Seriously though Jared, I’m sorry .....” He was silenced by a finger on his lips.
“Lets make a deal here Jensen ok? No more apologies about the past alright? Let it there, let it back there, we look forward now, you and me right? You told me that, you and me, we do this together and no more looking back and feeling sorry, whats done is done and now I pick myself up and get better and move on, with you. Ok if you want to know the truth Jensen, you hurt me bad enough that I swore no one would ever have that kind of control over me again, and I’m not even sure if I will ever be ready to give up that control, but I promise Jensen, when I’m ready for...that... You will be the very first to know, It was an issue I had, and nothing to do with you physically hurting me. That one time, it was beautiful and mind blowing, it was just my stupid pride that kept me from going there again ok?”
Jensen seemed to consider this for a moment before nodding seriously; “I have just one problem with that Jared.”
“Oh? Whats that?”
It was Jensens turn to straddle the younger man and he straddled his hips holding his hands over his head and leaned down until he was a breath away from Jareds mouth,
“You said I will be the first to know....I better be the only one to know.” And he closed the distance and kissed Jared thoroughly, pulling away reluctantly to pull a face at the state of both their boxers.
“Come on dude, shower.” And he leapt out of the bed and pulled at Jareds hands heaving him off the bed and pulling him to him for a hug and he whispered “Im so proud of you Jared, you did an incredibly brave thing coming to me, giving me this chance, and I’m so proud of you”
Jared smiled then and Jensens breath caught in his throat at the sight of the soft beautiful shadow free smile on Jareds gorgeous face “I won’t promise you a miracle Jensen, but I can promise you I am trying and I want to try, for you.... cause you are worth the chance too.”
The sound of a throat clearing at the door got their attention and both heads turned to see a dishevelled Chris standing in the door staring at them mutinously, “Seriously guys, when you are done with the Hallmark moments I’m starving, and you really don’t want me cooking huh? Come on bitches, I need feeding here!”
The sound of an indignant yelp as Chris ran for his very life when the two men ran for him and feet thundering down the hall and a bedroom door slamming in their faces followed by loud laughter echoed throughout the house as two men learned to reconnect.
In New York, a man was storming out of his agents office, cursing and swearing loudly at anyone who crossed his path, his agent had just let him go, deemed him to be too volatile to work with, said no one wanted to hire a male model who made so many demands especially when they weren’t very popular to begin with. This wasn’t good, this was his livelihood, he owed money, he was about to be thrown out of his apartment as it was! Damnit! He frowned as the taxi carried him across town, maybe it was time to cut his losses here in this god forsaken city, he had always hated New York anyway. Yes, the decision made, He leaned back and smiled, he would head home, see what was happening there, and maybe something would come up.
