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Cheyenne
Chapter: 5/?
Pairing:Jared/Jensen (eventually)
Characters: Jared, Jensen, Chris and a few others I am probably gonna throw into the mix.
Rating: pg.13 for now
Summary: An actor looking to hide, a quaint cabin by a beautiful lake and an old ghost story.....
Warnings: Hmmmm, angst? Oh yeah angst with a little dash of Angst! You know me guys! But trust me, I havent let you down yet!
Beta by the wonderful
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chrysrocks 
“I’m here.” Jared took a step forward and Jensen instinctively stepped back, his hand outstretched to halt Jared’s progress.
“Whoa, just.....stay.....over there.....for now, ok?” He cautioned. Jared nodded, understanding on his face, and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants.
“Ok. I just....well, thank you, for agreeing to help me. It’s been....a long time, since anyone....well...since I spoke to someone, like this.” Jared explained his voice low. Jensen could do little more than stare, as his freaked out brain tried to catch up with what his eyes were seeing, and unknowingly, he took a step forward as he gazed in wonder.
“You’re.....Jesus you’re just a kid really, how old are you...or were you.....or whatever?” He said in surprise, Jared smiled in amusement, and for the first time Jensen noticed the dimples Jared’s smile flashed.
“26, I died when I was 26 years old.”
“Jesus..... You are just a kid....” Jensen stared something else, and he frowned at Jared when something else popped into his head. “Hey.....how come you look.....well....alive? I mean, you’re dead right? So how come I can’t see through you and shit? Like last night.....I could see through you and now I can’t...I feel like I could touch you and I would feel you or something....” Jared grinned a little wider, and Jensen was transfixed by the dimples that appeared for a little longer this time.
“You were not ready to see me. I tried, I tried to get through to you but....you were blocking me out. I’m sorry I scared you so badly last night; I didn’t stay when I saw how much I’d frightened you.” Jared said as he took a seat on the couch.
“Hey! I wasn’t......that scared.....not really. You just....surprised me is all...and how come you are sitting down huh? I didn’t think ghosts got tired!” Jensen protested faintly embarrassed that his fear had been so obvious. Jared full on chuckled this time and Jensen’s eyes widened at the change it made to his face. God the man was beautiful, fuck, and he had to be dead.
Great...
“Well I figured if I sat down, you would feel more comfortable, I just want to make things a bit easier for you. You look a little...peaked.” Jared teased. Jensen huffed and narrowed his eyes at his ghost.
“Well excuse me....I’ve had dreams planted in my head, and been told that my friggin’ soul mate has been dead for two hundred years, and I’m told to talk to a dead man.....I’m sorry if I’m a little thrown.” Jensen complained, he crossed his arms but quickly uncrossed them when he realised that Jared was grinning at him. Jensen frowned, still annoyed, but then the smile faded from Jared’s face and he tilted his head inquisitively.
“Soulmate?” He asked puzzled.
Jensen closed his eyes and mentally smacked his head in frustration.
“Nothing, don’t pay any attention to me,” Jensen said anxious to divert Jared’s attention, “I haven’t slept in a couple nights...thanks to you I might add!”
“You know, those dreams, I didn’t plant them. I can do a couple of things but never that...I willed for you to see me, I wanted so badly for you to see me and understand and...help me....maybe....I wanted it so badly that I did do that....I’m sorry....I...” Jared struggled to explain; sorry that he’d unwittingly caused Jensen such distress. Jensen felt bad when he saw Jared’s face fall and the uncertainty take over. He had and irrational desire to see Jared’s dimples again. He moved forward until he was sitting on the corner of the couch farthest away from Jared, and tried to soothe him.
“Hey...It’s ok. Might have done me a favour, I mean, next time I see a script for a Patrick Swayze part in a ghost flick I will be set up!” He frowned again as another thought occurred to him,
“Or would it be Whoopie’s part?”
All thoughts of movie parts went out of his head when he glanced up to see Jared smiling at his indecision and pumped a mental fist in celebration at his success distracting Jared.
“You’re funny, you make me smile, and I haven’t.....smiled in a long time.” Jared said. The smile hadn’t lasted long; the lost look was back on Jared’s face. The sun had gone down, and his face was cast in shadow. Jensen flicked on a lamp next to him and got to his feet.
“Look, just....wait there alright? I’ve had a hell of a day and I could use a beer....hell I don’t even know if I should be offering you one or...” he said awkwardly. Jared shook his head with a small smile, but the light-hearted atmosphere was gone and had left the pair tense and uneasy. “Ok...just...don’t go anywhere ok? Not that you will....or you can.....just.....damnit, just wait there, I really need a beer and then you can tell me what happened with Bill and how I can help ok?”
Jensen didn’t wait for an answer. He left the room and headed to the fridge for a beer. He grabbed one and after he opened it took long draught, sighing with pleasure. It was just what he’d needed. Rushing back to the living room bottle in hand, he was ready to hear whatever it was Jared needed to tell him, once there he stopped dead.
Jared was gone.
****************
The cabin was in darkness, except for a lantern standing in the window, a beacon to show someone the way. Inside, Jared paced up and down, his eyes were red raw and his long hair tied in a messy ponytail at the back of his neck. His hands were clenched into fists at his side as he paced, praying under his breath. Bill had to come home soon, he had to. Judging how long it had been since night had fallen, Jared knew his lover should have been home long ago.
Oh God, what if Bill had left? What if he had taken Jared at his word and left after the rodeo? Jared hadn’t meant it, he was just so angry that Bill had broken his promise. They had almost lost each other once, and Jared just wanted to live quietly, he had believed that was what Bill wanted too, but instead Bill was out there, bull riding. Jared shuddered; bull riding was dangerous, he’d told Bill, bulls were mean unpredictable animals and not meant for sport. Bill didn’t believe that, he just laughed and claimed Jared was acting like a woman before planting a kiss on his lips. It was all a joke to him, but when he realized how much it really scared Jared he’d promised to stop.
He’d said for him to leave, but Bill had to know he hadn’t meant it? Bill knew Jared. He knew how Jared’s mouth ran away with him when he was worried. When Bill got home, Jared promised himself he’d apologize. He didn’t really want to control Bill; he just wanted him safe at home. He didn’t want a dead lover.
The sound of horses approaching put a stop to his pacing but something he couldn’t define stopped him from rushing to the door. He felt rooted to the spot and stood staring silently at the door as he waited. It was nothing; Jared told himself, there was more than one horse, because Bill had probably celebrated a bit too much. That would explain why he was so late, after all, Bill liked his whiskey after a successful ride. No doubt he was drunk and needed someone to make sure he made it home without falling off his horse.
Mollified by the explanation he’d come up with, Jared smiled and moved towards the door, expecting any moment it would fly open and the doorway would be filled with the laughing figure of his beloved. Jared’s hand was on the door when someone began to bang on it, shouting his name. Jared froze, unable to make himself open the door. It was like this every time Bill rode, Jared would worry until he returned. This wasn’t the first time Bill had gotten so drunk after a ride he’d had to be escorted to the door unable to even get himself inside. Jared’s heart always froze at the sound of a knock convinced that this was the night. Shaking his head, Jared berated himself for his cowardice and planting a smile on his face he opened the door.
Jared swung the door wide, but the smile froze on his face when he saw the sheriff and the town doctor standing where he had convinced himself he would see Bill with an arm draped over the shoulder of the buddy who’d brought him home. Their expressions sent Jared into denial; they might be there for a completely innocent reason. There was no need to panic.
“Hey Sherriff! Where’s Bill? He get into a fight?” Jared said desperately, aware he was babbling but unable to stop himself, if he could keep them from talking it wouldn’t be true, and they wouldn’t say what the feeling in the pit of his stomach and the cracking of his heart told him they were going to say. “He must have lost the ride then, huh? It’s awfully obliging of you to come all the way out here to tell me, I sure would have worried when he didn’t come home.”
“Jared....son.....”
The sheriff made an attempt to break in on Jared’s jabbering, but Jared pretended he didn’t hear, deliberately speaking over the sheriff.
“I think a night in the cells won’t hurt him, eh?” He said with a forced laugh, “Might behave himself after this, I guess?” Jared’s pasted on smile grew stubborn when he saw the looks of pity on the men’s faces. Jared and Bill hadn’t been living there very long, 12 months at the most. After Jared had almost been killed, Bill made the decision for them to move and had brought Jared here. It wasn’t perfect, every town had problems and there were always people with their prejudices, but it was much better. The population as a whole was more tolerant, but now these men stood there with expressions that Jared didn’t want to see.
Bill was coming home, he had to.
The doctor laid his hand on the sheriff’s shoulder and stepped forward. He was a decent man, Jared knew him because the doctor had cared for him during his recovery from the beating. Bill had gone for him when complications set in, Jared clearly remembered how sick he’d been and how pale and worried Bill had looked as Jared struggled with every breath. After the doctor stepped in, Jared had soon been on the road to true recovery. The Doctor taken good care of a stranger, and Jared liked him.
“Jared, I’m so sorry.....” The doctor began, but once again Jared interrupted.
“Hey I got some coffee brewing. It’s good; Bill always says I make the best coffee. You know maybe I could take some of it down to him, he sure would appreciate it.....”
“Jared...” The doctor said quietly, and the hand he placed gently on Jared’s arm stopped him in his tracks. Jared finally stopped talking and slowly raised his head to look at the two men on his front porch.
It hurt.
It hurt so goddamn bad to look at them and read on their faces what he wouldn’t let them say.
“No. Please Sheriff, don’t say anything ok? Please? Please, please.....don’t make it true, don’t say it.”Jared pleaded his voice weak. He was trembling and his legs were barely holding him up. The doctor stepped forward and reached out to support Jared, aware that he was in danger of going into shock.
“We’re so sorry son, the bull, he was the toughest....” the man’s voice was gentle but nothing could ease the news of what had happened.
“No!”
Jared’s voice stopped the Doc,
“Please, shhhhhhhhhh!”
Jared shook his head frantically; his heart racing until he thought he felt it simply shatter.
“Please Doc, please no. Go back ok? Go back and fix him up. I don’t care about no bull and how tough he was, ‘cause nothing is as tough as Bill. You fixed me up remember? Please.....go back, go back and fix him up and bring him home. I have a light burning here for him see? Please.....”
Jared dropped to his knees despite the doctor’s supporting grip. He was shaking, and where his heart had been was nothing but an empty hollow. Jared sobbed and begged, he didn’t know what he was asking for, but they were telling him that Bill was never coming home and he had to.
He had to.
Jared needed him. He couldn’t face the loss, couldn’t live without him. Bill was everything. The doctor shoved a flask into his hand and tried to guide it to his mouth but Jared pushed it away. He pulled free from the doctor’s grasp and crawled away from the two men watching him with tears in their eyes. They had no idea what they could do for the broken young man. They knew nothing but time would help.
“Where is he? Why didn’t you bring him back here? Back here to me?”
Jared looked up from his huddled position in the middle of the floor to demand and Doc moved forward. Jared shuffled back, not looking at him. Jared settled on his hunches, holding his knees and rocking slightly. His grip on his knees was so tight even in the dimly lit cabin the doctor could see the whites of his knuckles.
“Jared we couldn’t....the bull, he....he tore him up Jared. He had him for too long before we could get to him and...I’m so sorry son.” The gentle voice of the doctor sounded to Jared like a voice from hell. He buried his head in the arms he’d wrapped around his knees and keened.
“I would like you to leave now. Just go.” He finally said his voice so low the two men with him almost didn’t hear him. The sheriff took a step closer and bent down, touching Jared briefly on the knee.
“Son, why don’t you come back with me? Jane would love to have you. Come on son, come back with us now.” He urged Jared, unwilling to leave the wounded young man alone.
“No. No, I would like you both to leave now....please. Go, just go.....I want to be left alone.....god please go....” Jared’s voice grew louder, he sounded close to panic and the doctor moved back from him.
“Ok, ok Jared, but I’m gonna give a run out here in the morning to check up on you alright?” the doctor said. He didn’t want to leave Jared alone but he had the right to make them leave and so the best the doctor could do was keep a close check on him. He motioned to the sheriff, they should go and the pair left the broken man alone with his grief.
It took everything Jared had, but he managed to hold together until he could no longer hear the retreating sound of the horse’s hooves. He sat there for another few minutes, his body coiled like a spring, letting the pressure build until he could hold it no longer and the wail that rang out in the night was full of grief and sorrow and loss.
Hardly aware he of what he was doing, Jared systematically moved throughout the cabin, destroying everything in his path, sobs wracking his huge frame.
Bill...not Bill....Oh please let it be a lie. Please let Bill come through that door, with his big laugh and the way he said his name in that thick accent. Jesus god he couldn’t do this...Bill......
“Bill!!!!!”
The scream of Bill’s name and the broken voice that wailed it remained with Jensen for the rest of the night, as he lay sweating and shaking in the dark, tears of grief rolling down his cheeks. He felt it, he felt every painful breath Jared had taken and it made him cry harder.
One thing was certain though. No man could have survived the pain that Jared had felt at the loss of his lover. Jensen didn’t know how, but he knew beyond any doubt that he was going to help this man, whatever it took.
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*hugs* X
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