Characters: Jared, Jensen, Chris and a few others I am probably gonna throw into the mix.
Rating: pg.13 ; au
Summary: An actor looking to hide, a quaint cabin by a beautiful lake and an old ghost story.....
Beta: chrysrocks I love you Christy!
When Chris entered the kitchen the following morning, Jensen was just hanging up the phone. The small smile that Jensen flashed as he hung up did little to hide the shadows under his eyes or the sorrow on his expressive face. Chris headed for the coffee pot, helped himself to a cup and didn’t speak until he’d taken sip of the strong brew.
“So...any news?” he asked, indicating the phone on the table. Jensen glanced at it and nodded before he rose to pour himself the umpteenth cup of coffee.
“Yeah, that was the realtor; he finally got a hold of the owner of this place; who has agreed to sell.” Jensen said. It was what he wanted, but now that it was within his grasp he didn’t seem very enthusiastic. Chris’s eyebrows raised a fraction and he smiled, more for Jensen’s benefit than anything. He was unconvinced that this was the best choice for his friend.
“That’s great news dude...You still going ahead with the idea then?” he asked trying to be encouraging despite his own doubt.
“Yeah, I wasn’t sure that it’d work out. The owner was so hard to locate, but the realtor finally managed to contact him late yesterday. The owner was surprised that anyone would be interested, but he agreed to sell. We don’t even have to wait for him to come back to sign papers, he said they can do it all through email and by fax, so it shouldn’t take long.” Jensen explained before sinking back into his coffee mug. Chris hesitated to voice his doubts, but he knew he had to face Jensen sooner or later. It was better to get it over with, so he plunged in head first.
“You sure this is the right thing to do Jen? I mean, this has been tough on you, its really starting to take its toll. Look at yourself dude, you look like shit....” Chris began, his concern clear on his face. Jensen sighed and reigned in a flare of temper that was unlike him. Chris didn’t deserve his anger, he was just looking out for his friend and Jensen loved him for it.
“Yes, I’m sure Chris. This place....well it means a lot to me. I’m not sure how it managed to get under my skin like it has, but I’m sure this is the right thing to do.” Jensen was firm, his tired voice leaving little room for argument. Christ opened his mouth to try, but Jensen stopped him with a raised hand and a silent plea from his tired eyes.
“Look...I know you’re worried and I love you for it man, but, please, just....I could do with your support right now and....just....please, just try and understand that I need to do this ok?” Jensen said quietly. Chris stared at him a bit longer before sighing deeply and nodding. A fast cheeky grin lit his face when he got up to place his empty mug in the sink. He clapped Jensen on the shoulder as he passed.
“Alright dude, it’s your call, just....” Chris broke off what he was going to say, hiding his smirk on his way to the sink.
“Just what?” Jensen demanded.
“Clean yourself up for Christ’s sake; you really need a shower dude!” Chris announced and happily accepted the friendly ass kicking Jensen delivered, the wide grin on Jensen’s face more than made up for any wounded pride on his part.
Chris left his friend alone for a while after that and it was close to noon when he found himself on the back deck watching Jensen in the back yard. Jensen had been sitting between Jared’s trees for over an hour, legs crossed beneath him head bowed. He looked up occasionally and spoke to someone only he could see so Chris knew Jared was with him. Chris’s chest was tight with pain for his friend. Jensen thought he was keeping it hidden, but he wasn’t fooling anyone, especially his best friend. It was obvious to Chris that saying goodbye to Jared was almost killing Jensen. Chris had to go and tell him Nan had arrived with Chad and the priest, but he was loathe to disturb them. Knowing it was inevitable he finally forced himself down the stairs and across the yard toward Jensen.
It had only been mid morning when Jensen went out to sit between the trees. He hadn’t seen Jared yet that morning and his heart ached with his absence. Jensen wondered how he was going to cope once that absence became permanent in only a few short hours. Jensen sat with his head down lost in the thoughts that chased each other in circles through his mind. He knew he should be happy and relieved that he was helping someone who had been suffering for so long, but all he felt was pain and a tight ball of tears caught in his throat constricting his breathing.
Jared joined Jensen not long after he sat down. Jared remained silent as he watched Jensen reach out and gently touch the tree trunk as if to trying to draw strength from it. Jensen knew he was there, but he couldn’t look at him, didn’t trust himself. Finally Jared broke the silence between them, his voice unsure as if he didn’t know how to handle this silent depressed Jensen.
“Jensen?” he said quietly. Jensen sighed but didn’t answer. He didn’t trust himself to remain in control. He feared even his voice might betray him. He didn’t know how he had fallen in love so completely with a ghost.
“Jensen?” Jared tried again, his tone gentle. Jensen’s head snapped up at the sound and found himself staring and into a face filled with concern, eyes wide with sorrow, and a mouth that he would never kiss drawn tight with worry. Jensen knew he would never have the pleasure of touching this man, never know the feel of him, the taste of him, and he could never tell him how much he had come to mean to him. Jensen lowered his head again and spoke huskily.
“It’s ok Jared, I’m ok. I just...I just need a few minutes…that’s all.”
“I will go then....leave you in peace.” Jared said, his voice sad and began to fade.
“No!” Jensen exclaimed. He surprised himself, but he knew that he’d be without Jared for the rest of his life and even if he couldn’t tell him how he felt he could at least have him there to talk to for a little while longer. “I’m sorry Jared; don’t pay any attention to me. I’m feeling a little sad I guess. I won’t see you anymore after today and....well, I’m gonna miss you poppin’ in on me. Just sit here and let’s talk a while ok?” He said patting the ground beside him, and that’s how Chris found Jensen when he went looking for him a couple hours later. He watched as he listened to Jensen’s voice murmuring and smiled when he tilted his head listening with a slight smile to a response that Chris couldn’t’ t hear.
“Jensen?” Chris unwittingly parroted Jared’s earlier greeting and Jensen tensed. He looked back at Chris and knew that it was time. He nodded over his shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile.
“I’ll be right be right there Chris. Just give me a minute, ok?” he said, Chris hesitated unsure that Jensen was doing as well as he was pretending, but finally he turned and went back into the house. He’d give Jensen as long as it took to fix Nan’s tea. Jensen turned back to Jared was sitting beside him.
“Jared....it’s time dude. The priest is here and he’s gonna help you. You’re going to see Bill again. That’s awesome isn’t it?” Jensen said careful to keep any sign of regret out of his voice. Jared’s eyes widened and he reached over; his hand hovered over where Jensen’s where it lay clenched in his lap, belying his optimistic words.
“Jensen, thank you. You made this possible. You listened to me, I can never repay that. Just....thank you.” Jared said his voice filled with gratitude. Jensen got to his feet and dusted himself off trying desperately to keep a lid on the emotions that grew more difficult to control as the time to say goodbye drew closer. Knowing that he could put it off no longer he raised his head and met Jared’s eyes, hazel eyes so full of understanding that for an instant it felt as if Jared has seen straight through his soul. Jensen reached out, his hand inches away from Jared’s and hovered there. He stared at their hands for a moment; tears blurred his eyes as he gazed at the hopelessness of his future. Even if he selfishly kept Jared with him, they couldn’t be together, not ever, not really and the tears he had held at bay for so long, fought their way free. How could he do this? Let Jared go knowing he would never see him again.
“Jared I.....” Jensen began as he fought to regain control to find the right words to say. Jared interrupted him.
“It’s ok, it’s ok Jensen. I know....and I promise you that you will find exactly what you are looking for.” He reassured Jensen gently. Jensen shook his head as he looked up into Jared’s beautiful face, no longer battling the tears that flowed freely down his cheeks.
“I won’t.....I can’t.....you are what I was looking for and .....I’m losing you....you love someone else and you’re a freaking ghost for Christ’s sake. You’re already dead but I’m about to lose you.....and I can’t stand it,” a real sob escaped but Jensen didn’t care. His heart was shattered but as he stood broken in front of Jared, for the first time since they’d met he felt the faint pressure of finger tips against his trembling lips.
“Ssshhhhh, Jensen....Jensen, I will never be far and I swear to you that we will find each other again, trust me. I know it’s hard to understand right now, but, I will come back to you.” Jared assured him, “You know that I would never lie, not to you.” Ghostly fingers floated across his face and Jensen closed his eyes briefly imagining he could feel those fingers hot and real against his cheek. He imagined he could feel the hot press of Jared’s mouth against his and for that brief second let himself believe that when he opened his eyes he would see Jared’s face there in the flesh, lips wet from their kiss. Reality, when he did open them, was far different from his imagination and he was once again staring into eyes that knew too much. Jared’s smile wavered as he gazed down on Jensen’s tear streaked face.
“I will never forget you Jensen Ackles, and I promise. You are going to find what you are looking for, you’ll find me again.”
It didn’t surprise Jensen that it rained.
The storm came out of nowhere as the priest spoke, and poured rain from the heavens as if God himself was determined to wash all the ugliness away.
Jensen wasn’t surprised when the wind picked up and threatened to blow everyone off their feet. It drove the rain into their faces making it next to impossible to see the person beside them. He welcomed the rain and the wind. Everyone was too preoccupied keeping to their feet to pay any attention to him. No one noticed that he never moved. He kept his feet planted firmly on the ground, as the storm blew around him. Rain blew into his face and no one noticed that Jensen made no attempt to wipe it away. Jared was leaving and the world cried with him, it was only right.
When the priest finished, the storm faded as quickly as it had come. Jensen stood, his hair and clothing sopping wet, rainwater pooled at his feet and ran down his face. He was so drowned in heaven’s tears that no one noticed his own.chapter 10