Stay Gone

Sep. 23rd, 2009 02:07 pm
magser: (Sad)
[personal profile] magser
Title: Stay Gone
Chapters: 1/1
Word count : 2,127
Pairing: Jared/jensen, Jared/omc
Rating: pg.13
Summary: Does Jared go back a love that not only totally consumed him but also destroyed him slowly or stay with the man who had shown him a different kind of love. Either way, someone's heart breaks.
Warnings: Pppfffttt well you know me guys....need I say it? Angst, Angst and a liitle touch of hope.
Authors note: Well I got this one from listening to Randy Travis's "I Told You So" and Jimmy Waynes "Stay Gone" . I am finishing up 'Cheyenne' and it will be posted very soon I promise, this just wouldnt leave me alone.



“Jared!”

No answer, save for a thump and a loud curse, followed by Jared’s tousled head appearing around the bedroom door a frown marring his beautiful face, and he couldn’t help the smile that broke out at the very thought of this big beautiful man who was finally his. Jared for his part frowned a little deeper when he saw the grin, but his eyes were shining with a light that had been missing for too long.

“I’m coming I swear, I just....” His head disappeared and a muttering was heard as he untangled himself from whatever it was his long legs had gotten tangled up in this time, another thump as Jared obviously threw the offending item across the room and he reappeared with a triumphant grin and spread his arms wide in victory.

“See I’m ready and almost on time too! Come on let’s go!” He tugged on his boyfriends arm and dragged him like a child toward the front door and the truck laden with weekend bags. This was their first weekend away in too long and both men were anxious to shake the city out of their bones and just be alone for three whole days. The dogs had been dispatched an hour earlier at the dog sitters while Jared had showered and gotten ready and nothing was stopping them now, all they had to do was lock up and they were free to do whatever the hell they wanted, and a quiet discreet cabin awaited them.

Jared turned toward the still smiling face of this man, the man he owed so much to and stopped for a moment, cupping his face in his large hands and with a quiet sincerity that shone from him, whispered softly “Thank you.” Before planting a soft reverent kiss to waiting lips that curled into a soft smile only for Jared,

“For what?”

Jared kissed him again, easy and soft and pulled back to stare into his beautiful eyes,

“For being here, for waiting, for understanding that I.....just....thank you...for being you, and I....”

A finger pressed gently to his mouth stopped the words that were beginning to tumble over one another as Jared struggled to say the words they both knew he wasn’t ready to say just yet.

“Shhhhh...Jared its ok...I know...and I don’t mind waiting, you’re worth it. I love you. I love you enough for both of us until you are ready and I promise, I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here.”

Jared’s whole body relaxed and his smile deepened as he kissed him again. He may not be ready now, but he knew, he knew that he was falling in love with this beautiful man and he knew when he said those words finally, he would mean them, and the fact that he was so patient, so loving just made the leap all that much easier.

“Ok then, let’s get out of here ok? I am so ready to blow this place for a few days!”

So close.

They had been so damn close to getting away unscathed.

So close to a weekend away, a weekend that was meant to be healing as well as relaxing, one that would help Jared finally close the door on a part of his life that had almost destroyed him and open the door to a new chapter, one that held a love he had waited for, a love that was strong and quiet and honest and enduring and everything that Jared hadn’t had when he had been in his life. So damn close and he wondered idly sometimes what would have happened if they had just ignored the ringing of the phone. If they had closed and locked the door and let it ring. But it was Jared’s nature to worry enough about his beloved dogs, worry that there was a problem already and with a gentle squeeze of his hand, he pulled away to pick up the phone.  

Jared glanced at the display as he picked up the phone and relaxed when it wasn’t the sitter’s number flashing up at him, so, with a grin over at his waiting boyfriend he pressed the answer button.

“Hey, talk fast; we’re leaving, so unless someone is dead or dying I’m not interested!”

“Jay?”

That’s all it took.

Just that one word.

 Spoken softly, unsure and a little broken, to bring Jared’s world crashing. He visibly paled and reached blindly for the chair nearby and sank onto the edge before his legs gave way. His hands shook pitifully and he grasped the phone tighter in an effort not to drop it. His eyes were huge on his face and it took a couple of seconds for his voice to work and all he could manage was a husky “No....I...”

“Jay please....just listen...I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I....I miss you, I love you...please Jay. Please let me come home? Please baby, please....I know I’ve said it before, and I know I’ve broken my promises before but Jay please...I love you so much, I’m sorry. I know you love me too baby, I know it...and I know it’s been so long, but please, I can’t do this anymore without you. I see that now. I will try harder I swear I will. I won’t leave you again; I can do it this time. I can fight for us, just like you asked. I can stay this time. Please Jay please...I love you so much. I want to come home...”

Everything was forgotten as Jared listen to the pain filled voice come down the line. God he hadn’t heard from him in so long and he sounded so different. He closed his eyes and the pain washed over him like it was only yesterday he had packed his bags for the last time and walked out the door.

 Again.

 Like it was only yesterday that Jared had begged and pleaded for him to stay, just please stay. They could do this he had cried, love was hard and they were supposed to fight for it. It would make it all the more precious and please...just stay this time. Please don’t walk away again.

But he had just looked at Jared with such sadness and a weariness borne from struggling for too long to hold on. He had dropped the bag he had held in his hand and kissed Jared one last time, tasting the tears that had begun to run unchecked down both their faces.

And with a whispered “I love you Jay.” He walked out the door without looking back, leaving Jared so broken he wasn’t sure if he was worth putting back together.

“Jay?”

“No...No...” The response tore from Jared like his heart was being ripped out all over again.

“Jay? Please baby...I shouldn’t have left again; I know that now...please....we can do this right? You told me that, you said we should fight for us and I want to now, I want to.”

Jared squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again, glancing behind him at the man standing tense at the door, watching Jared. He was silent, as he held the phone to his ear and stared at the sad eyes of his boyfriend, who waited to hear if they were over before they had ever really begun and Jared could see the crossroads he was at so clear in his mind.

He could say yes, come home and it would all start again in a vicious cycle of hurt and destruction or he could walk out the door, with this man, who had loved him silently for so long and who had helped put the millions of pieces of Jared back together. A man who would never hurt him like he had been hurt. A man with a love so gentle and strong and a love that Jared had never really known, not like that. A man Jared could love, hell he was already more than halfway there. It wasn’t the deep all consuming passion that had almost destroyed him, but Jared felt every touch go straight to his heart, a touch and a love that shook them both, but not enough to break them. When he made love to Jared, he felt safe and warm and a passion that was different than before, a passion that made him smile, not one that chipped away at his soul.

He smiled shakily as he realised the answer was right there. Standing at the door, staring at him with eyes that were now filled with tears of pain and fear. He took a deep breath and without taking his eyes of the man staring right back he answered quietly.

“No. I’m sorry. But no.”

“Jay....god please...just let me come home. I need to see you, to talk to you, to touch you. I’ve missed you so much, and it’s been so long....please. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too. I love you, I guess a part of me will always love you but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t go back to the pain. I can’t fight anymore. You were right you know, love isn’t supposed to hurt us like that. It took me so long to get where I am now and I feel good. I feel like it’s gonna be ok, everything will be ok. I...I thought I would die when you left me the last time, I thought I would never love again, like I wasn’t meant to. But I can, I’m alive and I’m not crying anymore. What I felt, I feel, for you it’s so strong, but....it was consuming me babe, and I was losing myself. Everytime we tried to make this work it made us die a little more inside. We hurt each other too much...don’t you see? All we would end up doing is losing ourselves in something that more destructive than anything.”

“But I love you Jay...”

“I know you do. I love you too, I always will. You will always hold a special place in my heart, but in time you will see that I’m right. In time you will meet someone who won’t make you want to run all the time. Baby, you need to stay away now. Don’t come back. It’s not home anymore, you know that. Stay gone. Please, if you love me like you say you do, please, just stay gone. My heart is healing, I’m healing and I found someone who loves me and...I think I might love them too and I feel good, so good and he is good for me and I think I might be good for him. I’m sorry...just please....don’t come home, don’t call anymore. Stay gone, for both our sakes.”

The sound of a hitching breath was all he could hear for a couple of seconds and then in a voice that sounded so broken a whispered “Goodbye Jay”

“Goodbye. I hope you find what you’re looking for, what I found. You deserve it.”

He closed his eyes as he hung up and didn’t open them for several minutes. Finally, he took a breath, a deep cleansing breath and it was like the sun coming out. He turned toward the door and the man who stood there with tears of love and pride glistening in his eyes and a smile so beautiful it took Jared’s breath away. He moved then, over to the door and taking his hand in his, tugged gently until they were both outside never taking his eyes off of him. Silently he closed and locked the door behind him and turned to see his boyfriend standing a couple of feet away; his hand stretched out toward Jared, palm up.

“You ready Jared?”

Jared smiled then, knowing in that instant that everything was going to be ok. He nodded “I’m ready.” And reached out and took his hand in his and together they headed for the truck. No word was spoken for another half an hour and Jared never took his eyes off of him the whole time. Finally, with the city behind them and nothing but open road ahead he turned toward Jared and smiled as he reached out and touched the hand that hovered close to his own.

“You ok?”

Jared’s  eyes brightened and he squeezed the hand that held his and taking a deep breath, said the words that he knew felt so right.

“I love you Jensen.”

Jensen took a shuddering breath and took his eyes off the road long enough to see the honesty and love shining in Jared’s and turning back to the road, he lifted Jared’s hand to his mouth and kissed it gently.

“I know you do baby, I love you too.”

It was going to be ok.







Page 1 of 2 << [1] [2] >>

Date: 2009-09-23 02:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lasvegas-lights.livejournal.com
awesome fic, you know I love it! I was worried for a second when I first read it that Jared would make the wrong decision so I'm glad there was a happy ending for J and J!

Date: 2009-09-25 04:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Thank you, and thank you for reading it over for me!

Date: 2009-09-23 02:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] darine3007.livejournal.com
may i ask you if it's a toppy!jared or b!jared ???

Date: 2009-09-23 02:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Umm I hadn't really thought about it lol. There is no sex in this, so I guess you could interpret it anyway you fancy really. You can have him whatever way you like lol.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] darine3007.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-09-23 02:23 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-09-25 04:56 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2009-09-23 02:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kimberleyafc.livejournal.com
I really love this. The feelings were so intense and for a moment there I held my breath wondering which way Jared was going to go. I'm so glad he made the right choice.

Date: 2009-09-25 04:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! That was exactly what I was going for!

Date: 2009-09-23 02:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alena2b.livejournal.com
it was beautiful... really!

BUT... angst??? duuuuuuuuude! lol

Date: 2009-09-25 04:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Meh...I like to surprise!

Date: 2009-09-23 02:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] garvaldmains.livejournal.com
OMG... seriously... and you worry about your writing... shit girl... this is one of the best bits of writing I have ever read on LJ, and that is NO exaggeration... i wanted to skim to the end... i almost did... i desperately wanted it to be Jensen, and then i didn't, and then i did, and then i didn't... see what you did?

I am gonna rec this EVERYWHERE

I love you SO DAMN MUCH

*HUGS* X

p..s dont think me being nice is gonna last... hee hee

Date: 2009-09-25 04:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Have I told you lately That I love you?

Date: 2009-09-23 03:12 pm (UTC)
ext_302385: My default here and on LJ (Default)
From: [identity profile] macbyrne.livejournal.com
God you scared me so bad; I kept wondering WHO it was Jared was talking about, was Jensen the current boyfriend or the one on the phone??? I was practically tearing my hair out!!! Awesome suspense, and I loved the boys at the end. Great job!!!

Date: 2009-09-25 04:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Yay thank you!!!!! I am so pleased you liked it!!

Date: 2009-09-23 03:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dreamers-dh.livejournal.com
*sigh*

I love the tension in this. Jared's hopes and thoughts and everything is covered with the pain and love in Jensens eyes. Very good!

Date: 2009-09-25 04:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Thank you so much!!!

Date: 2009-09-23 03:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] phantom4j.livejournal.com
Hi - Di directed me your way to read this. it's absolutely beautiful. I ALMOST sneaked ahead to the end to see who it was that Jared ended up with, but I kept myself in check (barely). And, you know what, I really, honestly didn't know. I was relieved it was Jensen, but I didn't know!

You wrote this beautifully!!!!!!!!

Wow!!!!

Date: 2009-09-25 05:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Well I am so very very glad Di brought you here! I am blown away you liked it so much! It really gives my fragile ego a boost. Thank you and I hope you stick around some!

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] phantom4j.livejournal.com - Date: 2009-09-28 02:48 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2009-09-23 03:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lary-sam.livejournal.com
Mag, you never disappoint me. God, I love your fics and that was soooo cute; See Jared strong beside Jensen. Confess you make me fear what decision Jared would make but of course that had to be Jensen.

Date: 2009-09-25 05:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Awwww honey!!! *hugs you*

Date: 2009-09-23 03:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blueeyedliz.livejournal.com
Oh Mags, loved it. I've missed your fics, I'm sure I've got some catching up to do, RL has been vicious lately.

I always enjoy your brand of Jared angst.

Date: 2009-09-25 05:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Lizzy!!! So damn good to see you!!!!!!!!!!!

Date: 2009-09-23 03:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] build-the-moon.livejournal.com
This was so awesome.

Date: 2009-09-25 05:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Thank you!!

Date: 2009-09-23 03:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gypsy-atavari.livejournal.com
Wow - tough sitch. Been there, too where I had to decide over the guy I had pined over and never thought I would ever get and the one I was currently with. Glad Jared made the right choice here. :-)

Thanks for sharing! :)

Date: 2009-09-25 05:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Thank you for commenting! I hope things worked out good for you too!

Date: 2009-09-23 04:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sn-24lover.livejournal.com
Beautiful. Just beautiful. :)

Date: 2009-09-25 05:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Awww!!!
Thank you!!!

Date: 2009-09-23 04:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] treez-r-green.livejournal.com
this was sooo goood! not too much angst thankfully (i'm an anti-angster) I thought for a brief moment that the ex was Jensen and the new bf was someone else and let out a sigh of relief when i read it was the other way round. good job, thankyou for sharing!

Date: 2009-09-25 05:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Lol I tend to get carried away with angst sometimes but man it's glad to not write it too! I am so glad you enjoyed and thank you for commenting, it means a hell of a lot!

Date: 2009-09-23 05:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amtamburo.livejournal.com
OMG! This is so amazing, hun! Thanks so much for sharing it with us!

Sorry I haven't been around much to comment on Cheyenne, I am a bit behind on my reading (I have been in the midst of first finals, and then moving from California to Maine, a move that included driving cross country, 3,500 miles in 7 days, and guess what... I drove right through Cheyenne, WY along the way! :p) and I haven't had much of a chance to read lately. I will get caught up and comment soon though! :)

Date: 2009-09-25 05:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Its ok babe! You are here now and it's good to see you! I hope you are settling ok and everything is good with you!

Date: 2009-09-23 06:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sn-143sn.livejournal.com
shit girl. you sure know how to punch it
that so frikking hurt to read
I'm swinging between Jensen and OMC right now cause they both deserve the love, sometimes love hurts other times it doesnt. But I guess Jared made the right choice in choosing the one who was least likely to hurt him, but I'm feeling for the one who was forced to let go even when they loved each other so much
i love the song by jimmy wayne btw, it was beautiful

Date: 2009-09-25 05:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Thank you thank you thank you!!!
I am so stoked you liked it!!
Does me good!
It was meant to hurt, and you were meant to feel for all three, cause none of them was a bad person, just...two of them would end up destroying each other....no matter how much they loved each other....

Date: 2009-09-23 06:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pollyspn.livejournal.com
Hey Mag...

What can I say about this so beautiful fic ?

Only this: congratulations baby! You once again surpassed yourself .. The fic was wonderful ...

And I swear to you that I also wouldn't trade anything in the world for a in love smile's Jensen. Jared made a good choice and a great decision.

Brazilian hugs for you hon!

Date: 2009-09-25 05:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
You are here and thats all that matters!
Thank you baby!

Date: 2009-09-23 08:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alexanderjones.livejournal.com
Hey Babe,


I'm so happy to read you again, RL was a bit intense those last few month and I have things to read to catch up.

Anyway, this one was really heartbreaking and I was so sad for Jared, and so anxious to know who the boyfriend was.
Thank you for Jensen.
He really is the nicest boyfriend ever.

Kisses babe

San

Date: 2009-09-25 05:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Hey you!!
I am glad you are here reading me again!!!
It's great to see you!

Date: 2009-09-23 09:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angels-cordy.livejournal.com
*sob*
That was sooo pretty and perfect!!!
OMG I adore your talent!!!
Your stories are sooo wonderful
Thank you sooo much for sharing!!!
*hugs*

Date: 2009-09-25 05:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Oh holy crap that is such a fantastic thing to say!!
Thank you so much!!
*hugs you*

Date: 2009-09-23 09:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] twigletmoo.livejournal.com
Awww, that was wonderful - it brought tears to my eyes!

Seriously, the whole time I was reading it, I hoped that the Boyfriend was Jensen, and the ex was someone else - I loved how you didn't let on who was who until the end, but you did it perfectly!

*hugs*

Date: 2009-09-25 05:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Aww thank you!!!
I am so happy!!!

Date: 2009-09-23 10:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] apieceofcake.livejournal.com
That was great Peggy! I kept having to stop myself from reading on to see who was who, but you know I wanted him to choose Jensen :-)

Date: 2009-09-25 05:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Jo!!!!! Hey you!!!!
Thanks babe!!!

Date: 2009-09-23 10:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] myinvisibleink.livejournal.com
Just one word: brilliant :))))

Date: 2009-09-25 05:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Well that word is more than enough for me!!Thank you!!!

Date: 2009-09-23 10:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kes1807.livejournal.com
You had me worried there, wasn't sure if it was Jensen on the phone or standing in the doorway:p So glad it was Jensen in the doorway. That was such a mixture you could feel the sadness and then hope and love. Beautifully done, loved it:D

*hugs*

Date: 2009-09-25 05:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Hey!!!!! I still am loving you!!! Thanks babe!

Date: 2009-09-24 12:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] denise-1.livejournal.com
Oh dear God! You had me worried there for a minute! What a loverly heartbreaking and heartwarming story.

Date: 2009-09-25 05:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Aww thank you so much!!!

Date: 2009-09-24 01:05 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
What a wonderful story! It kept me guessing the whole time I was reading it. For a moment I thought the old love might have been Jensen. I some glad it wasn't!!!

Date: 2009-09-25 05:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magser.livejournal.com
Thank you!!
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